Shorties: Short Reviews of Short Story Collections

If there is one thing I've discovered about myself in 2013, it's that I totally sucked at writing reviews. Sure, I also sucked at reading, clocking in at the lowest book count I've had since I started tracking back in 2009, when I birthed this blog. But I only reviewed about half of what books I did lay my eyes on. Ew.

In an attempt to walk into 2014 with a clear review-conscious, I plan on dropping a few posts like this one - short review recaps of all the books that for whatever reason - too busy, too lost for words, too de-movitated - I should've reviewed and just didn't.

Today, I'm introducing you to a slew of shorties (read: short stories) that I've devoured over the past few months. Without meaning to, I believe I read more short story collections this year than in any previous one. Not that I'm complaining; I find short story collections, especially those that are linked or themed, quite refreshing. And the ones you'll find here are no exception.

Have you read these? In a mad rush of 4 star reviews, I bring some of the best of what I've read in the second half of the year:

I Am by Ben Tanzer
Read 7/11/13 - 7/12/13
4 Stars - Strongly Recommended, 'specially to those who dig on pop culture icons (and not-so-icons)
99 pages (Ebook)

Ben Tanzer takes on celebrity has-beens, almost-weres, and still-ares in this saucy collection of stories told from each individual perspective. Some stories connected with me immediately - Vanilla Ice, Richard Simmons, Corey Feldman, Darth Vadar - while others floated out in over-my-head land because I simply lacked the name recognition. That didn't lessen the impact of the collection, though. Tanzer brilliantly birthed each persona, forced their words up off the page, and made each one come alive much like a puppeteer brings life to his marionettes.

A quick, enticing collection, clocking in at just under 100 pages, that demonstrates a brand new side of Ben.

This Time, While We're Awake by Heather Fowler
Read 8/8/13 - 8/22/13
4 Stars - Strongly Recommended, 'specially to those who like a little WTF fiction
328 Pages (Ebook)

Heather Fowler has taken literature to places I hadn't known it could go. A practice baby for expecting parents, that looks and acts just like your own baby would (so creepy); drugged breeders who are awakened for one day of copulation and impregnation, then put back to sleep while the baby gestates (so freaky); a town that allows an alien species to harvest one of them per visit in return for their continued protection against the assumed horrors that exist on the other side of the walls that seal them off from the rest of the world (so scary).

A wickedly dark and haunting collection that shows its readers an alternative look at the future of humanity; a deep, devastating spiral into strange and frightening circumstances.

Why God Why by Matt Rowan
Read 9/11/13 - 9/18/13
4 Stars - Strongly Recommended, 'specially to fans of little bizarro bites
155 Pages (Ebook)

To crack open this collection is to read about the dangers of falling in love with a hat, happy pills for screaming children, and cooling your jets in coldsville. It'll also have you reading about cutting off a lb of your own flesh, baking a cake clone, and behaving as a bat …

To crack open this collection is to drown your brain in fantastical, bizarro-fictional worlds that will have you wishing you could crawl inside them and hang around with them for a bit longer, because they live and die in the blink of an eye. 

To crack open this collection is to bang your fists against your head asking yourself WHY GOD WHY haven’t I picked up this collection sooner!

Jimmy Lagowski Saves the World by Pat Pujolas
Read 10/5/13 - 10/8/13
4 Stars - Strongly Recommended, 'specially to fans of interconnected stories
198 Pages 

What initially appear as fun, and sometimes quite odd, unconnected short stories soon begin to cross paths with each other and weave themselves into an even more fun, and incredibly more odd, novel-in-stories.

You can tell Pat had a lot of fun building this world in which a horribly burned and suicidal young man finds himself saved by jury duty, of all things, and very possibly possessed by an alien entity which resides millions of miles away from Earth. Kickstarted by a seemingly random act of violence, we are thrown, time and time again, into and out of the townspeople's lives, sneaking a peek here and there, as Pat sees fit, until the individual stories comes crashing together in an ending that will make you thank your lucky stars you hung in for the long haul.

Zombie Sharks with Metal Teeth by Stephen Graham Jones
Read 10/11/13 - 10/30/13
4 Stars - Strongly Recommended to fans of the bizarro, because here there be loads of it
161 Pages (Ebook)

If ever a title both caught my attention and caused me confusion, this is it! I've never read anything by Jones previously, and I certainly plan to rectify that in the very near future. The writing, people. The writing is phenomenal in this incredibly fucked up kind of way.

Dude's got a great way of working out the bizarre to make it seem just normal enough... and oh my GAWD the opening story with the dad and his son. It pulled every fucking heart string I had and I wasn't sure I could continue reading the rest of the stories if there was a chance that they were going to be even remotely similar but the curiosity was killing me so I threw myself headfirst into it all.

Jones is like a mad scientist, rolling up his sleeves to play elbow-deep with his creations before strangling them quietly to death and burying them deep in the ground where they'll dissolve into dry and brittle bones with our memories of them buried right there, alongside.

Caleb J Ross's Would You Rather

Bored with the same old fashioned author interviews you see all around the blogosphere? Well, TNBBC's newest series is a fun, new, literary spin on the ole Would You Rather game. Get to know the authors we love to read in ways no other interviewer has. I've asked them to pick sides against the same 20 odd bookish scenarios. And just to spice it up a bit, each author gets to ask their own Would You Rather question to the author who appears after them....

Caleb J Ross's

Would You Rather

1.      Would you rather write an entire book with your feet or with your tongue?

I’ve got freakishly long toes, so for the sake probability and completion, I’ll say feet. However, the concept of a tongue-written book intrigues me, in a literal reflection of the metaphorical kind of way. Writing in tongues (re: thoughts to words) becomes literally writing in tongues. Plus, it would be nice to incorporate another sense into the writing process. We rely so much on touch.

2.      Would you rather have one giant bestseller or a long string of moderate sellers?

Probably the long string of moderate sellers. That way I never feel like I’m trying to regain something, trying to fit into an expectation.

I suppose my choice could be determined by whether or not I knew ahead of time that I was only going to have one giant bestseller vs. a string of moderate sellers. Could I choose the bestseller? Would it be possible then for me to consciously create a The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs situation, forcing the world to love my most depraved work? If so, definitely the one giant bestseller. It would be about a flatus monster trying to find its way back to the anus. Kind of like Wizard of Oz if Toto was a dingle berry.

3.      Would you rather be a well known author now or be considered a literary genius after you’re dead?

Definitely well know now. Once I’m dead, I’m dead. It’s the same logic that I use when telling my family that I just want to be cremated and thrown in the trash when I die. I don’t care how beautiful my gravestone is. Put that money toward something better.

4.      Would you rather write a book without using conjunctions or have every sentence of your book begin with one?

Without conjunctions. It would still be possible to create a compelling narrative without them. Think of it this way: there are only a handful of conjunctions, but there are infinite ways to not use them.

However, this is just the kind of experimental goal I set for myself when I write, so writing an entire book in which every sentence started with a conjunction could be fun. How I write now, I often set a goal to create a good story based off a terrible premise. For example, in my newest novella, As a Machine and Parts (just recently re-released) the premise involves a man who slowly and inexplicably turns into a machine. That’s a stupid concept. But if I’m a good writer, I should be able to make the narrative compelling enough that the reader forgets how stupid the concept is. Other examples: a man who collects human lips. A woman who tries to get her mentally challenged son kidnapped. By the end of a Caleb J. Ross story I want the reader to have been so invested in the characters that he/she forgets all the stupid stuff surrounding the characters.

So, maybe writing a compelling all-conjunction book is a good test. And a masochistic treat. But without the physical pain. Or perhaps with lots of it.

5.      Would you rather have every word of your favorite novel tattooed on your skin or always playing as an audio in the background for the rest of your life?

The tattoo option. Because the audio option is ever-present, it would basically be an aural tattoo of sorts, meaning just as permanent, except I wouldn’t be able to cover it up with clothes. Also, if nobody else could hear the audio, I’d probably eventually get committed to a padded room. On the plus side, I’d have my favorite audio book with me.

All of this really depends on whether or not Bobcat Goldthwait is the audiobook narrator, with secondary characters voiced by Gilbert Gottfried. If so, then obviously I’m going with the audio version.

6.      Would you rather write a book you truly believe in and have no one read it or write a crappy book that compromises everything you believe in and have it become an overnight success?

The problem with having a successful anything that you don’t truly believe in is that from that point forward you’ll dread having to deliver the same kind of content. That would be its own kind of hell in a way. Let me write crap, I say!

7.      Would you rather write a plot twist you hated or write a character you hated?

I can deal with a shitty plot twist; that happens only once. But enduring an entire novel full of crappy characters, even one with an amazing plot twist, would be awful. Not just for the readers, but for me as well.

8.      Would you rather use your skin as paper or your blood as ink?

Oh, can I choose both? There’s an artist, Vincent Castiglia, who uses his blog in his paintings, so that option seems acceptable enough. The skin paper thing seems pretty close to traditional tattooing. Put them together and, well, the blood just goes back into the body and dissipates. Kinda anti-climactic, now that I fully explore that thought. Sorry to have wasted your time.

9.      Would you rather become a character in your novel or have your characters escape the page and reenact the novel in real life?

As long as I didn’t have to be a part of the real-life reenactment, I’d choose to let the characters escape. I have some crazy stuff going on in my novels.

10.  Would you rather write without using punctuation and capitalization or without using words that contained the letter E?

Definitely without punctuation and capitalization. Back at the dawn of the English language, punctuation, capitalization, even spelling and grammar were largely un-regimented. So, knowing it was possible to get the message across back then, I’m sure it would be possible now. Writing without the letter E would be much more difficult. One of my favorite novels ever, Ella Minnow Peaby Mark Dunn, explores this idea, though I think in that novel Dunn chooses to first get rid of easier, non-vowels before he touches on the letter E.

11.  Would you rather have schools teach your book or ban your book?

Either way is great for the wallet. Taking that out of the equation, I’d go with having schools teach my book. Any book can get banned, but not any book can be taught. Plus, it’s an honor to have a book be taught (re: validated) by a college. All having a book banned really means is that you’ve struck a nerve with a small, although loud, sub-cultur. Having a book banned would come with its type of validation, though, I suppose.

12.  Would you rather be forced to listen to Ayn Rand bloviate for an hour or be hit on by an angry Dylan Thomas?

Getting hit on my Dylan Thomas would be quicker, so I’ll go that route.

13.  Would you rather be reduced to speaking only in haiku or be capable of only writing in haiku?

Speaking. I communicate so much more via writing, whether via email, fiction, blog posts, shopping lists, and on and on. I could probably get away with not having to speak (I think it’s funny that rather than entertain the idea of speaking in haiku, I instead decide that not speaking at all is a better choice…I think that speaks more to my laziness than to my hatred of haiku).

14.  Would you rather be stuck on an island with only the 50 Shades Series or a series in a language you couldn’t read?

Ethically speaking, I wouldn’t be able to read the 50 Shades series so honestly it probably doesn’t matter which one I choose. So I’ll go with whichever has more pages. I’ll need them to start a fire.

15.  Would you rather critics rip your book apart publically or never talk about it at all?

Publically. The general public (who make up the majority of book readers) don’t pay attention to critics anyway. Remember, no critic ever praised 50 Shades of Gray or Twilight. Then again, I wouldn’t want to have written either of those series.

16.  Would you rather have everything you think automatically appear on your Twitter feed or have a voice in your head narrate your every move?

As long as that voice in my head sounds like Tom Waits I’d definitely go for the voice in my head.

17.  Would you rather give up your computer or pens and paper?

I could never turn my back on ol’ Compy. If the choice had to be made I’d unfortunately have to give a big FU to paper. Sorry Dunder Mifflin.

18.  Would you rather write an entire novel standing on your tippy-toes or laying down flat on your back?

If I was on my back, the novel would take much, much longer. I have this weird issue where if I lay down I’ll generally fall asleep within 10 minutes (I think this “weird issue” I have is medically referred to as “being a lazy, unhealthy slob”). That being said, I’d still go for laying on my back, as long as I was allowed to build a rig first that would allow me to write while on my back. Something with cranes and pulleys would be nice.

19.  Would you rather read naked in front of a packed room or have no one show up to your reading?

For the sake of anyone who would be in attendance I would most definitely rather have no one show up. I’ve had readings at which only 5 or so people showed up, so having nobody show up really isn’t that much of a stretch.

20.  Would you rather read a book that is written poorly but has an excellent story, or read one with weak content but is written well?

I’ve read plenty of books that fall into both categories. Given a choice, I’d go for the one that is written well. I can be enamored with great language for much longer than I can be hooked on a strong plot lacking that great language.

And here's Caleb's response to A Lee Martinez's question:

Would you rather be able to write one (and only one) page of fiction a day (that could be part of a larger book eventually or just short stories or whatever) or only be able to write for one week a year?  In both cases, everything you write would be amazing.

Probably a full page of fiction every day, because that’s actually quite a bit more than my current non-Would-You-Rather scenario output. Most days I manage a couple hundred words. Writing a full page every day would actually be quite nice.

But the heart of the question, consistency vs. a single burst, the single burst would be nice. I’d like to be able to get my pages out and then have the rest of the time for marketing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Check back next week to see how Wayne Franklin answer's Caleb's question:

 Would you rather get drunk in a dive bar with J.K Rowling or attend a church service with Chuck Palahniuk?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Caleb J Ross's fiction and nonfiction has appeared widely, both online and in print. He is the author ofCharactered Pieces: stories, Stranger Will: a novel, I Didn’t Mean to Be Kevin: a novel, Murmurs: Gathered Stories Vol. One, and As a Machine and Parts. He is an editor at Outsider Writers Collective and moderates The Velvet Podcast, which gathers writers for round table discussions on literature. 

Eat Like an Author: Les Plesko

When most people get bored, they eat. When I get bored, I brainstorm new series and features for the blog, and THEN eat. And not too long ago, as I was brainstorming and contemplating what I wanted to eat, I thought how cool it would be to have a mini-foodie series where authors share the things they like to eat. Photos and recipes and all. And so I asked them, and amazingly they responded, and I dubbed it EAT LIKE AN AUTHOR. 


Last week, Molly Gaudry shared her 6-meals-a-day. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today, Les Plesko talks about his love of canned veggies:

I like veggies straight from the can, served deliciously at room temperature or chilled by the fridge. These are Del Monte Mixed Vegetables + Del Monte Fresh Sliced Carrots. I also like the little potatoes in a can and sliced beets, though the liquor store usually doesn't have the latter. Perfect for someone who's too distracted to cook or even boil something and can't be bothered with cleaning up after. Actually, it's a big change from former nightly meals, which have been: bologna from the pack dipped in mustard or my desperation favorite: ketchup sandwiches! Usually I eat the same thing every night for forever until I can never stand to see or taste it again, so I suspect this particular meal will run its course eventually.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Les Plesko is the author of the novels The Last Bongo Sunset, Slow Lie Detector, and Who I Was. He teaches writing at UCLA Extension.

Indie Spotlight: Diane Mayer Christiansen

Every writer believes that they are in the process of penning the next best book. One that every publisher will jump over backwards for. One that they anticipate will land them on best seller lists everywhere.

Which is why, when the first few rejection letters start showing up, they think there must be some kind of mistake. The other publishers wouldn't pass the manuscript up, right?

It's a tough pill to swallow when the one thing you've spent countless hours pouring your heart and soul into receives a generic letter of rejection from publisher after publisher after.. well you catch my drift.

Diane Mayer Christiansen, author of the Snub Club, shares a few words of wisdom on just this very topic:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I began writing, I’ll admit, I was pretty innocent.  I thought, six months in to get the manuscript out, another month for rewrites and then I’d be ready to submit.  I was sure that when the first batch of thick, brown envelopes went into the mail box that it wouldn’t be long until I was getting all of those SASEs back with requests to read more.  The weeks passed, the months passed and I waited. 

I got the SASEs back but each with their own version of a mass produced rejection card, telling me that reviewing a manuscript is subjective and not to take it personally.  That was ten years ago and there have been many, many, manuscripts since. Yep, every writer’s been there.

So, here’s the trick.  You have to keep writing.  I know this may sound strange, but the game of getting published is all about the survival of the fittest.  Who will endure over time, who will continue to hone in on their craft?  For me, the game was easy to play.  I write about things that matter so much to me that I cannot stop.  I have a journey to share that involves my struggle with dyslexia, my son’s celebration of Autism Spectrum Disorder, and with this journey, a fire to help the world understand.  Every time I see my son’s face, I am inspired to continue. 

So, now when an aspiring author asks me for advice I tell them this.  Survive the barrage of rejection that is sure to happen.  Get a thick skin and believe in your work.  Write about what drives you on a daily basis and never give up.  Write because you love it, because you can’t stop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

           

Diane Mayer Christiansen graduated with a Biology degree despite her struggles with dyslexia. She worked at both the University of Chicago and Northwestern University doing genetic research. Christiansen is now a published author writing young adult fantasy and middle school chapter books including SNUB Club.  Her characters are based around children with special needs such as dyslexia and Autism Spectrum Disorder. She speaks to parents and teachers about learning to celebrate those things that make our children different and her journey with her son and his ASD.

www.jackiejournal.com

Drew Reviews: John the Posthumous

John the Posthumous by Jason Schwartz
4 out of 5 Stars - Strongly Recommended
Pages: 148
Publisher: OR Books
Released: Aug 2013

Guest review by Drew Broussard 

The Short Version: Objects.  History.  Adultery.  Murder.  Death.  Bodies.  Animals.  A house - several houses.  Bible verses.  A beguiling maelstrom of language that circles around a story of a marriage and a murder without ever actually landing on it.

The Review: It's very rare that I find books like this a pleasurable reading experience.  Language is a wondrous thing but when I don't have something to tether it to - be it plot, characters, even just a concrete idea - I find that it becomes indulgent and unnecessary, a feat more of poetry than prose and (for my money) easily accomplished by monkeys on typewriters, as the ones who don't write Hamlet will undoubtedly write something like, say, There is No Year.

So imagine my delight and surprise to find myself breathlessly engaged with this novel - novella, really, as it's only about 130 pages.  Perhaps it has to be read in the right season, which I would argue is right this very minute.  Maybe I would've loved it even as the flowers started blooming in spring - but something tells me this is the right place to be.  For Jason Schwartz has written what is essentially a novella-length version of the American Horror Story credit sequence(s): unsettling, choppy, eerie... and yet strangely (and wonderfully) compelling.

The overwhelming majority of this book is comprised of odd images, shattered by other images or thoughts crossing through: a boy with a bird in his throat, a body turned into an object turned into a story, a house in semi-rural Pennsylvania (a land I know well, which also gave me an inside track to the novel in a way) that seems to shift under the reader's eye.  But it is not the house that shifts - you almost come to believe, over the course of the reading, that it is (to be really cliché about it) you who are shifting.  There is a tug to Schwartz's words that I cannot fully explain and it keeps you off balance, the story slipping away from you even as you try to grasp it.

And, admittedly, you do get some help from the back cover synopsis - which alerts you, in advance, to the fact that this is the story of one or possibly two murders.  The adultery and all that stuff seems pretty clear in the story but the murder is so much of an oblique idea throughout the large majority of the novel that you can never be sure that's what's being discussed... unless you are forewarned a bit that there was probably some murder goin' on.
Although this might also be part of the point: our narrator seems to be grappling with mental demons and perhaps the novel is his mind unraveling as he desperately tries to keep away from the thought of what he's done.  I don't know.  And I can't know - the novel does not tell you.  And while that so often, in pretentious novels like this, bothers me... it's just done so well here.  I wish I could hold this book up to authors who push at boundaries and say "if you're going to do it, fine - but you have to mine even deeper than traditional prose does, like this book."

Rating: 4 out of 5.  I had dreams last night that felt like flashes from this novel.   You absolutely have to pay attention to the words and allow your mind to detach with them a bit - but if you do, you're apt to be rewarded by an exceptional and unsettling mental vacation.  It's all muted browns and reds, mixed with crisp whites, like a vision of a girl standing in a wheat field as seen through an old warped window of an old warped house.  And even now, as I try to grasp at it more firmly, it slides away - like the best dreams and nightmares often do.

Drew Broussard reads, a lot. When not doing that, he's writing stories or playing music or acting or producing or coming up with other ways to make trouble.  He also has a day job at The Public Theater in New York City.

Happy Release Day: [SIC]

In addition to having taken on the part time Marketing Director position with CCLaP this year, I signed on with author and editor Davis Schneiderman to help with the promotion of a few of his titles. You may have seen mention of them in my twitter and Goodreads feed - & Now Awards 2 Anthology, Multifesto (both previously released) and [SIC]. 

Today celebrates the birth of [SIC] 

[SIC] is a completely appropriated work, readymade for a world populated and reduplicated by copies. It takes its title from the Latin abbreviation for “as written,” and includes public domain works, like “Cademon’s Hymn,” Sherlock Holmes, and the prologue to The Canterbury Tales, and features Wikipedia pages, intellectual property law, genetic codes, and other untoward appropriations. The text also pivots on Jorge Luis Borges’s story, “Pierre Menard, Author of Don Quixote,” taking its publication history through a replicated series of Google auto-translations. 

It's a commentary on plagiarism in its most up-front, unabashedly unapologetic form.  It speaks volumes about the accessibility of literature, the security of copyright, and the de-evolution of literature as we know it without actually saying a unique word of its own. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's what early reviewers had to say about it:

Christopher Nosnibor (goodreads)

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/737854289 

“It’s a crash-course in literary history, a compilation of all the books you should read but probably haven’t… Schneiderman plays the game of appropriation and continues the debate concerning issues of ownership and authorship.”

Leo X (Goodreads)

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/739624000 

“Schneiderman is not only one to watch, he is one of the literary greats of our time!”

Bradley Milton (author)

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/702045370 

“Schneiderman's [SIC] is a feast for those hungry for reality and wanting more.”

Corey Mesler (author)

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/710557591

“Davis Schneiderman’s latest conceptual art book, [SIC]...is challenging, trippy, humorous, clever and, ultimately, just plain beautiful.”

Christina Gaspar (goodreads)

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/715412966

“it's a fascinating work.”

Shane Lindemeon (author)

http://www.shanelindemoen.org/4/post/2013/09/review-sic-by-davis-schneiderman.html

“..as a body of work, [Sic] can only be read in the same manner as one would read chicken bones. When you make your way through this hauntingly genius monstrosity, don’t be surprised with the weird places your mind will go.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We are proud to host a Goodreads discussion with its author, Davis Schneiderman, this coming week to continue [SIC]'s celebration. Won't you join us and chat about the future of literature: public domain texts and the accessibility of literature, our fixation with digital and mutilmedia literature, and any other bookish topic you can think up!

https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/117183-tnbbc-presents-the-davis-schneiderman-q-a 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Davis's website got all fancied up for the occasion, too. Learn more about [SIC], its prequel Blank, and the upcoming third volume in the series, Ink., here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You can purchase [SIC] here.

If you would like a PDF review copy, please leave a comment here with the promise that you will link me back to the review once it's posted. I'd be more than happy to send you one!

Happy reading.

A. Lee Martinez's Would You Rather

Bored with the same old fashioned author interviews you see all around the blogosphere? Well, TNBBC's newest series is a fun, new, literary spin on the ole Would You Rather game. Get to know the authors we love to read in ways no other interviewer has. I've asked them to pick sides against the same 20 odd bookish scenarios. And just to spice it up a bit, each author gets to ask their own Would You Rather question to the author who appears after them....

A. Lee Martinez's

Would You Rather

Would you rather write an entire book with your feet or with your tongue?

Feet.  Both sound terrible, but I just think typing with my tongue would be more exhausting.  People can use their feet like hands, so I imagine by the end of the book, I'd be a pretty good toe typist, which might even come in handy later.  Though probably not.

Would you rather have one giant bestseller or a long string of moderate sellers?

Tough question.  Assuming you mean only one bestseller and no other successful books VERSUS a long, steady career, I guess I'd have to ask the follow up question of how big a bestseller?  Are we talking about the kind that basically means I'd never have to worry about writing for money again? Because I'd definitely take that over a long string of moderate sellers.  A lot less work that way, and it isn't like I'd have to stop writing afterward, even if not many people read the books.  I don't need a lot of fans to make it worthwhile.  Well, I DO need a lot of fans to make it worthwhile at this stage, but you get my drift.

Would you rather be a well known author now or be considered a literary genius after you’re dead?

Easy.  Well known now.  I've never found much romance in the idea of dying a misunderstood genius.  I don't need to be ahead of my time.  I'd rather earn a living now than starve.  Posterity, be damned.

Would you rather write a book without using conjunctions or have every sentence of your book begin with one?

Tough call.  I start a lot of my sentences with conjunctions already.  Either one seems pretty difficult to do without getting in the way of the reader enjoying the story, but I'd probably go with no conjunctions over every sentence.

Would you rather have every word of your favorite novel tattooed on your skin or always playing as an audio in the background for the rest of your life?

Audio.  I'm just not a tattoo kind of guy.  Plus, my favorite book is Tarzan of the Apes so I'd walk around hearing about lion fights, and that'd probably keep me in a good mood.

Would you rather write a book you truly believe in and have no one read it or write a crappy book that comprises everything you believe in and have it become an overnight success?

Ouch.  Honestly, not easy.  I guess it depends on what you mean by EVERYTHING.  If you mean writing something that I find morally objectionable, then I'd rather not do that.  But if you're just talking about a book that I felt was artistically compromised, I'd have to answer with a yes on that.  Basically, I've toiled for about a decade in this business writing stuff I think is really pretty awesome, but am still not as solid on my career as I might like (not that I have much reason to complain).  It'd be nice to get a boost.

So, moral compromising, hard no.  Artistic compromises, soft yes.

Would you rather write a plot twist you hated or write a character you hated?

Plot twist.  Both would annoy me, but at least the twist could just be part of the story versus the character (I assume the protagonist) who is the story.  Writing is hard enough as it is without having to hang out with a jerk for that many months of my life.

Would you rather use your skin as paper or your blood as ink?

Gruesome.  Blood as ink.  It's a lot easier to replace blood than it is skin.

Would you rather become a character in your novel or have your characters escape the page and reenact the novel in real life?

Tough call.  I suppose if I could become a seven foot tall indestructible robot detective in a weird science city, I just couldn't turn that down.

Would you rather write without using punctuation and capitalization or without using words that contained the letter E?

Both seem pretty rough, but though E is the most common letter in the English language, punctuation makes things so much easier.  Seriously, whoever invented the period and the space was a genius, and I'd be lost without them.

Would you rather have schools teach your book or ban your book?

Teach.  Nothing hard there.  I don't care to court controversy.  I'd rather people like my book than be offended by it.  Maybe I'm just not artistic enough to see the glamor in that.  Or maybe I'd just rather live in a world where people don't ban books.

Would you rather be forced to listen to Ayn Rand bloviate for an hour or be hit on by an angry Dylan Thomas?

The Ayn Rand hour.  I've listened to people lecture me I don't agree with before, and I'm sure I'll do so again.  But I'm not macho enough to usually take the punch option.

Would you rather be reduced to speaking only in haiku or be capable of only writing in haiku?

Speaking.  I earn my living writing, and I'd hate to get stuck in such a limited format.  Friends and family could learn to live with speaking like that though.  Heck, it might even make me seem more artistic.

Would you rather be stuck on an island with only the 50 Shades Series or a series in a language you couldn’t read?

I'd have to go with 50 Shades because books I can't read really aren't worth much. 

Would you rather critics rip your book apart publicly or never talk about it at all?

Rip it apart publicly.  Better to be savaged by critics than languish in obscurity.  I did that for long enough while struggling to become a published writer.

Would you rather have everything you think automatically appear on your Twitter feed or have a voice in your head narrate your every move?

Voice in my head.  I generally think good thoughts, but nobody could look good with EVERY thought put out there.  And the narrator of my life could maybe coordinate with the narrator of Tarzan of the Apes, so they wouldn't have to be lonely.

Would you rather give up your computer or pens and paper?

Hate to say it, but pen and paper.  Especially now that I even draw using an iPad.  So it'd be hard to give up all that convenience, especially since the rest of the world would quickly leave me behind.

Would you rather write an entire novel standing on your tippy-toes or laying down flat on your back?

Laying flat.  It would just be less exhausting.

Would you rather read naked in front of a packed room or have no one show up to your reading?

Naked in a packed room.  Have I mentioned that obscurity is just about the worst thing an artist suffers under?  Nudity is a lot less frightening to me than indifference.

Would you rather read a book that is written poorly but has an excellent story, or read one with weak content but is written well?

This is almost difficult to say, but, as I mentioned, I do love Tarzan of the Apes.  In fact, Edgar Rice Burroughs is my favorite writer, and while I wouldn't call him a poor writer, I would say he is stilted.  His stories are so much fun, his adventure so awesome, his pacing so thrilling, and his characters so cool, I would definitely say I'd rather have all that than beautiful prose.

And here's A. Lee's response to the question I proposed last week:

Would you rather write a novel that changes someone's life but receives no mainstream attention, or a novel that is incredibly successful in sales but that no one thinks about afterwards?

As much as I hate to admit it, I'd go for sales at this point.  It might seem crass, but I've been toiling in obscurity for a while now.  It gets tiring.  It's always nice to have money to pay the bills too.  Now, if the question were about changing the lives of thousands, I might reconsider.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Check back next week to see how Caleb J Ross answer's A Lee Martinez's question:

Would you rather be able to write one (and only one) page of fiction a day (that could be part of a larger book eventually or just short stories or whatever) or only be able to write for one week a year?  In both cases, everything you write would be amazing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A. Lee Martinez is a writer. He enjoys juggling, origimi, skulking, and time travel. While he’s a likable enough guy, he really isn’t very interesting and mostly plays video games and writes.