David Hayes' Would You Rather

Bored with the same old fashioned author interviews you see all around the blogosphere? Well, TNBBC's newest series is a fun, new, literary spin on the ole Would You Rather game. Get to know the authors we love to read in ways no other interviewer has. I've asked them to pick sides against the same 20 odd bookish scenarios. And just to spice it up a bit, each author gets to ask their own Would You Rather question to the author who appears after them....

David Hayes' 

Would You Rather

Would you rather write an entire book with your feet or with your tongue? 
With my tongue. Feet disgust me. I know, I know… I wrote a book about foot fetishism (Pegged) but, in my defense, it was a horror book.

Would you rather have one giant bestseller or a long string of moderate sellers? 
I am a career guy. In films I had a long string of smaller parts in horror films that provided a living. I don’t need the big one, but a series is great.

Would you rather be a well known author now or be considered a literary genius after you’re dead?
Logically, if I’m well known now then the propensity for genius posthumously is pretty large. I’ll go with now.

Would you rather write a book without using conjunctions or have every sentence of your book begin with one? 
Ahhh. Conjunctions. I would much rather write a book without them. It may seem simplistic, but too freaking bad. Wait. I just used one. Shit.

Would you rather have every word of your favorite novel tattooed on your skin or always playing as an audio in the background for the rest of your life? 
Good question. My favorite novel is The Lord of the Rings. So, no, I would not like to sit through the 700 hours of tattooing over my entire body (and I’m fat and still probably won’t fit). Can I have it read by Bette Davis?

Would you rather write a book you truly believe in and have no one read it or write a crappy book that comprises everything you believe in and have it become an overnight success? 
Just once? The overnight success. Then that could pay for the rest of the brilliance. I’ll use a pseudonym for the good stuff.

Would you rather write a plot twist you hated or write a character you hated? 
Real answer: character. I hate a lot of my characters and they earn it. Most of them are based off of me anyway. Self-loathing is no big deal.

Would you rather use your skin as paper or your blood as ink? 
Skin as paper would just be too much work. Lots of skin. Lots of cellulite. I’ll go with blood. I can run out of blood and take a break.

Would you rather become a character in your novel or have your characters escape the page and reenact the novel in real life? 
Oh, shit. If my characters escaped the books then there would be some very bad mojo in the world. Some seriously deviant shit would perpetrate itself on good ol’ Earth. We’d be screwed.

Would you rather write without using punctuation and capitalization or without using words that contained the letter E? 
I hate Twitter. I will forego ‘E.’

Would you rather have schools teach your book or ban your book? 
Ban. Definitely ban. All of the best books have been banned!

Would you rather be forced to listen to Ayn Rand bloviate for an hour or be hit on by an angry Dylan Thomas? 
What’s the difference? Afterwards you’ll have to clean your ears out with turpentine.

Would you rather be reduced to speaking only in haiku or be capable of only writing in haiku?
Arguably, critics have determined that / I only write in haiku as it stands / Why change a winning combination?

Would you rather be stuck on an island with only the 50 Shades Series or a series in a language you couldn’t read? 
I don’t read ovary-inspired misogynistic douchebag already, so the point is moot.

Would you rather critics rip your book apart publically or never talk about it at all? 
Public! Public! Public! One critic wrote, regarding one of my films, “Saying the plot of this movie out loud will cause a wing full of babies to burst into flames.” I love it.

Would you rather have everything you think automatically appear on your Twitter feed or have a voice in your head narrate your every move? 
Hmmmm. If everything I thought appeared on a Twitter feed then I would be arrested.

Would you rather give up your computer or pens and paper? 
Pens and paper. Screw those Ludites.

Would you rather write an entire novel standing on your tippy-toes or laying down flat on your back? 
Tippy toes. Flat on your back is another profession that I’m not very good at.

Would you rather read naked in front of a packed room or have no one show up to your reading? 
No one show up, please. I don’t need the ridicule of appearing naked anywhere. On the plus side, sasquatch sightings will rise by 200%.

Would you rather read a book that is written poorly but has an excellent story, or read one with weak content but is written well? 
Written poorly with an excellent story. Weak content is a weak mind. Grammar, punctuation and voice can be developed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David C. Hayes is an author, performer and filmmaker that also teaches these subjects at the university level. His films, like A Man Called Nereus, Dark Places and The Frankenstein Syndrome (and approximately 70 more) can be seen worldwide. He is the author of several novels, collections and graphic novels including Cherub, Pegged, American Guignol, Scorn and Muddled Mind: The Complete Works of Ed Wood, Jr. On stage, he has been active with The Community Theatre of Howell since appearing as Victor Velasco in 2013's production of Barefoot in the Park and stage managing the recent Inherit the Wind. He will be directing It's a Bird, It's a Plane It's Superman in the show's Midwest debut in 2015. As a playwright, David's full-length and one-act plays have been produced from coast to coast with a run Off-Broadway for the comedy Swamp Ho and sell-out performances in Phoenix for Dial P for Peanuts(winning a 2011 Ethingtony for Best Show). He is a voting member of The Dramatist's Guild and the Horror Writers Association. When not creating, David teaches film production, creative writing and communications as an adjunct instructor at Siena Heights University, Kaplan University and Grand Canyon University. He holds bachelors degrees in psychology and English as well as a master of science in forensic psychology and a master of fine arts in creative writing. Locally, David is a frequent contributor to WHMI 93.5FM, the Livingston County radio station, and speaks frequently at book signings, comic conventions and gatherings of geek-culture. 

Book Review: The After-Life Story of Pork Knuckles Malone

Read 6/24/14 - 6/25/14
2 Stars - Recommended Lightly - to fans of extreme bizarro literature, cause this one is fucked up in some weird ass ways. Not recommended as an entry novel to the genre.
Pages: 94
Publisher: Bizarro Pulp Press
Released: 2013


I've read my share of strange shit over the years.

I mean, being a fan of bizarro literature, that kinda comes with the territory, you know? After a while though, you get to picking and choosing books and publishers that are a perfect fit for your specific tastes, because lord knows there's a wide variety of subgenres under the Bizarro umbrella, and if you're not careful, you may end up reading some shit that'll have you throwing up a little (or a lot) in your mouth. It's like the equivalent of accidentally purchasing a death metal CD when what you were looking for was a soothing rock ballad. Sure, the howlish grunts of death metal music tortures your ears, but that's nothing compared the pain and suffering the freakish words of hard-core bizarro will inflict upon your brain. Permanent scarring. I kid you not. You will never be able to unsee the images those words painted behind your eyes. Not ever.

Even still, as careful as I am, I sometimes find myself reading a book that starts off pretty ok, and little by little pulls back the thin veil of normalcy it had hid behind, the wicked smile on its face growing brighter and brighter as it shows you more and more of its seriously fucked up shit, but sloooowly, so as not to scare you off. Cause, that way, it knows you'll be like:

"Huh. A story about a boy and his beloved pet pig. That sounds cute. And when it gets slaughtered it possesses its honey glazed ham parts and causes the people around it to become ham-hungry zombies? I think I can get into that."

And then:

"Weird, that van driver's nose leaked some green gooey shit when he picked up the boy and his hammy BFF. Oh hell, I'm already waist deep in the shit, I might as well just keep on wading through, how bad could it get"...

And then:

"Uh. The kid's aunt and uncle dress the meat up with pineapple ring eyes and deer antler ears? And start singing thrash metal songs with ' ham ' as lyrics before they start puking green shit on each other? And the haunted pig meat is sending subliminal memories straight to the kid's head? Aw hell, up to my chest in it now and it's really not that bad, I mean, I can handle this, as long as it doesn't get any weirder"...

... and then, with a sudden whoosh, the weirdness plunges you completely under, your eyes stinging with the rush of it, mouth and nose sucking it all in and bubbling it all back out as you silently scream at its betrayal:

"Damn you book! Your description didn't say jack shit about an oozing honey glazed ham meat mask. Or meat tenderizers tied to guys' dicks? And a drag queen with WHAT in her crotch???? What the fuck IS this shit?!?!

In The After-Life Story of Pork Knuckles Malone, MP Johnson covers so much ground so fast, that at times I felt like I was suffering from literary whiplash. I hung in there for awhile, open and receptive to some of the stranger shit that was he laying down, willing to forgive some of the more gross and disgusting parts, but the final third of the book just completely lost me. Chapters 17 through 22 felt like a totally different book. I guess I just saw other directions he could have taken the story, and was bummed that he had chosen to take it in the direction he did.

Ah well. And with such a pretty, tame cover to boot. MP, you sure did a good job hiding your crazy up front. Here's to hoping you haven't ruined ham for me....


Haaaammmmmm...
*licks chops*

Do you smell it too?

Book Giveaway: Above All Men

Since July 2010, TNBBC has been bringing authors and readers together every month to get behind the book! This unique experience wouldn't be possible without the generous donations of the authors and publishers involved.

It's the first of the month and you know what that means.

It's time to bring you August's Author/Reader Discussion book!

We will be reading and discussing Above All Men

with author Eric Shonkwiler

The author and his publisher have generously agreed to give away 10 copies of his book...

3 paper copies (limited to US residents only) and 

7 digital ebooks (open internationally)

Here is the Goodreads description to whet your appetite:

Years from now, America is slowly collapsing. Crops are drying up and oil is running out. People flee cities for the countryside, worsening the drought and opening the land to crime. Amid this decay and strife, war veteran David Parrish fights to keep his family and farm together. However, the murder of a local child opens old wounds, forcing him to confront his own nature on a hunt through dust storms and crumbling towns for the killer.

Did I happen to mention that is my favorite book of 2014?! I cannot wait to hear what you guys think of it!

This giveaway will run through July 8th. 

Winners will be announced here and via email on July 9th.

Here's how to enter:

1 - Leave a comment here or in the giveaway thread over at TNBBC on goodreads, stating why you'd like to receive a copy of the book, what format you prefer , and where you reside. Remember, only US residents can win a paper copy!. If you are a US resident, and prefer paper, please also list your consolation digital format (because there are only 3 paper copies available).

ONLY COMMENT ONCE. MULTIPLE COMMENTS DO NOT GAIN YOU ADDITIONAL CHANCES TO WIN.

2 - State that you agree to participate in the group read book discussion that will run from August 18th through August 24th. Eric Shonkwiler has agreed to participate in the discussion and will be available to answer any questions you may have for him. 

 *If you are chosen as a winner, by accepting the copy you are agreeing to read the book and join the group discussion at TNBBC on Goodreads (the thread for the discussion will be emailed to you before the discussion begins). 

 3 - Your comment must have a way to contact you (email is preferred). 

GOOD LUCK!!!!

Audiobook Review: The Three

Listened 6/4/14 - 6/18/14

3 Stars - Recommended to fans of non-linear, non-main-character driven fiction 

Approx. 14 hours

Publisher: Little, Brown, & Co.

Released: May 2014

Where to start... where to start. 

When I requested a copy of the audiobook for review, I did so without fully understanding the style in which the book was written. In hindsight, had I known The Three was a non-linear, non-main-character driven story, composed entirely of conspiracy blog and book excerpts, tweets, emails, texts, and skype interviews, I definitely would have either requested the book in print, or shied away from it completely. I suppose I had expected the book to be something different than what it was. 

That doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it. Because I did. Once I got the hang of it - of the way the story was being laid out to us, of how the research was being conducted, of the two audiobook narrators and their ever-changing accents to depict the different characters - I became more comfortable with the format and felt myself, I don't know, sort of relaxing into it and trusting that the narration would make it all come together on its own. 

So four planes crash on the same day, in different parts of the world, within hours of each other. The only survivors? Three children, found alive and mostly unharmed, among the wreckage. And the cause behind the crashes? Terrorism was ruled out almost immediately but that didn't stop the world from working itself up into a frenzy. UFO freaks crawled out of the woodwork, blaming aliens. Religious nutters, following the lead of one outspoken rapture fanatic, believe the simultaneous crashes to be the sign of the four horsemen  - and they are adamant that a fourth child survivor still wanders out there, undiscovered.  Not to mention that those children, once released and sent to live with their guardians, are somehow... different. Changed. They are themselves, but.... not. Is it the trauma of surviving the crash that has affected their personalities so drastically, or something else entirely? 

Elspeth Martin, a journalist, has written a book about Black Thursday (the name given to the day of the crashes) and The Three (the name given to the three children survivors), entitled "From Crash to Conspiracy", and it is from this very book, and all of Elspeth's research, that we learn of the events that took place on and around those crashes. 

So ultimately, Sarah Lotz's The Three is a book within a book. A fictional book within a fictional book composed of fictional research... I know it sounds clunky but it's actually smartly done. 

Some may have a hard time sticking with it in the beginning. The story starts off terribly slow, but that's understandable because there is a lot of set-up that has to take place, so many 'characters' that have to be introduced and outlined - Bobby's grandmother (guardian of the child survivor of the Florida crash); Jess's uncle (guardian of the child survivor of the UK crash); and Hiro's cousin (guardian of the child survivor of the Japan crash), and all of those who have had contact with them; as well as Pastor Len - the man behind the four horsemen and rapture conspiracy, and a handful of his closest followers; along with taxi drivers, on-scene police and emergency personnel, and on and on... 

But once the first pass is made, and details of the crash starting coming to light, we start getting to know everyone on a more intimate level, and we begin to learn more about their current situations, their interaction with and concerns regarding the survivors. We being to question their and Elspeth's ability to remain objective and honest with us. Are they sharing all of the facts? What are they hiding? Why does so much of what we're hearing not make sense? 

If Sarah Lotz was going for a "scare you so bad you can't sleep at night" creeper of a story, it either (a) didn't come across well in the audiobook or (b) I'm immune to her style of creepy because it really didn't unsettle me in any of the ways some of the other reviewers claimed it had. And there's also the matter of the loosely open ending... one of my pet peeves, especially in a book that hinges itself specifically on the 'hook' factor. I couldn't help feeling kind of cheated right there at the very end. 

I definitely would not classify this as a horror story. Though if pressed, I'm not sure what I would actually classify it as. And for anyone considering picking it up, I strongly suggest grabbing it in print. 

Eat Like an Author: MP Johnson

When most people get bored, they eat. When I get bored, I brainstorm new series and features for the blog, and THEN eat. And not too long ago, as I was brainstorming and contemplating what I wanted to eat, I thought how cool it would be to have a mini-foodie series where authors share the things they like to eat. Photos and recipes and all. And so I asked them, and amazingly they responded, and I dubbed it EAT LIKE AN AUTHOR. 


Today, MP Johnson shares his love of all things sugar and sweet! Holy moly, that's a lot of candy!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last weekend I went to the biggest candy store in Minnesota. It’s a giant yellow barn out in the middle of nowhere. It’s filled with candy. There’s more than 100 kinds of root beer and more than 100 kinds of licorice. They even have root beer flavored licorice. I bought a big box full of candy and soda or, as I like to call it, writer fuel.

I got some old favorites, like Bottle Caps, which are becoming increasingly difficult to find around here, and Cow Tails, a weird, cream-filled dough candy that has always been hard to find, probably because it’s absurd. There’s something not right about a candy that lists its primary ingredient as flour. Anyway, I love Cow Tails.

I had to try some new stuff too. I bought banana soda because I love bananas. I also got some crazy ass imported candy from Denmark because it had a howling werewolf on the package. Weer Wolven Drop. It’s black licorice with some sort of caramel ooze injected inside. It’s gross as fuck. I’ve eaten half the bag.

Sugary junk food is the only thing I consume while writing, outside of the occasional glass of water. This has been true since I was a kid. I think it helps me tap into the spazzy part of my brain that my stories come from. And I type faster when I’ve eaten a lot of sugar too. Although sometimes it also makes me keep standing up and jumping around my apartment, so it kind of balances out.

As a special bonus, I find that if I eat a ton of candy before bed, one of the following happens: 1) I lay awake for hours thinking about stories, or 2) I fall asleep and have really fucked up dreams that I can turn into stories!

MP Johnson’s Recommended Writing Candy:

Bottle Caps

Cow Tails (The vanilla or caramel apple kind. The strawberry kind sucks.)

Junior Mints

Laffy Taffy (Throw away the apple ones. Banana is best.)

Root beer (Either Virgil’s or Bull Dog. Fuck that A&W shit.)

This is not a complete list.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MP Johnson’s short stories have appeared in more than 35 publications. His debut book, The After-Life Story of Pork Knuckles Malone, was released in 2013 by Bizarro Pulp Press. His second book, Dungeons & Drag Queens, is out now from Eraserhead Press. He is the creator of Freak Tension zine, a B-movie extra and an obsessive music fan currently based in Minneapolis. Learn more at www.freaktension.com.

Also, check out his latest novel Dungeons & Drag Queens on Amazon.

Book Review: Sirens

Read 4/26/14 - 5/3/14
2 Stars - Recommended Lightly to fans of the bizarro-horror genre, and to those who don't mind the occasional strange sentence structure
Pages: 270
Publisher: Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing
Released: April 2014



I first discovered Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing through a happy accident on twitter about a month before reviewing this book. They've got a certain bizarro-horror charm to them and I had  a lot of fun browsing their catalog and getting to know their publisher.

Sirens jumped out at me in a way the other books did not. Something about the pulpy cover, the drippy 1970's sex and rock-n-roll description, called to my inner noir-child. And I decided this book was a must-have.

Upon reading the first few pages, I immediately became aware of two things: One - I definitely made the right decision by starting with this novel because I could totally see myself getting into this rompy sci-fi subtle-horror literary mishmosh. And  Two - I was going to have to fight the urge to cringe at the somewhat clunky and awkward writing style of its author Kurt Reichenbaugh. So much of what you'll find within its pages screams of 'first time novelist'. Though I am sure, as he matures as a writer, and works with stronger editors (no offense Max!) much of the sentence-structurey strange-nuancey stuff will work themselves out.

So here we are, in Florida in the late 1970's, hanging around with a pack of horny high school boys kicking around town, looking for something to do. A mismatched motley group, for sure. And when they are joined by the slightly older Benny, who spreads the promise of a bad-ass party happening out in the middle of nowhere, the boys reluctantly agree to accompany him there.

They enter into a familiar horror-typical situation when they turn down the deserted dirt road towards the dilapidated old house, meet up with red headed Suzie - a siren if ever there was one, and head down towards the lake for some good, clean fun. The sense of foreboding is a strangling one and we the reader find ourselves itching to warn them to get back into the car the moment they arrive. But of course, we can't do that. The story's already written. We are helpless, merely puppets, with eyes glued to the page, prepared for the worst, unsure at the moment of the exact type of hell Kurt is about to create for them. And oh what a hell it will be.

Suzie's other-worldly sex appeal is hypnotic and their lakeside conversation has a calming effect on the group. Almost calming enough to lull the boys into a false sense of awe, unable to believe their luck, to be hanging with such a gorgeous girl. Almost calming enough to cause them to wearily regard the unnatural glow at the bottom of the water and the lumbering twin henchmen and their strange scorpion-tailed dog with curiosity instead of fear. Almost calming enough to convince them into ignoring that feeling of concern and uncertainty that creeps into their very pores and threatens to send them scurrying.

And scurry they will, the moment they witness Suzie and that dog tear their ole bud Benny to shreds, the moment their entire world changes forever.

In the days that follow, as they gather their wits about them and set off on a mission to make sense of the events that took place at the lake, Kevin, Brad, Nick turn to their schoolmate Otto, an unlikely resource who thrills at the chance to unravel a mystery. The foursome end up investigating strip clubs and skanky bars, while fending off  Suzie's redneck henchmen; their dead friend Benny, who's apparently up and shuffling around again to do Suzie's bidding; and a duo of vapid, brainwashed cheerleaders who try to distract the group by practicing their own otherworldly siren skills.

Part every-80's-horror-movie-ever-featuring-teenage-leads-in-the-history-of-ever, part campy Killer Klowns From Outer Space (only replace the klowns with sexy ass sirens and replace the circus tent in the middle of the woods with a space ship sitting on top of a strip club), Sirens pokes fun at the horror genre while adding in elements that haven't existed anywhere else. I got the sense, as I finished it, that Kurt was attempting to woo the serious reader while engaging those who are just looking for a fun read. And while I don't think he completely nailed it, I certainly believe he gave it one hell of a try. So while I might not have been blown away with the book, something tells me this would make one pretty amazing film. It's definitely got that "better to see it" quality to it.... Someone should get on that. ASAP.

Drew reviews: World of Trouble

World of Trouble by Ben Winters
4.5 Stars - Very Strongly Recommended
320 Pages
Publisher: Quirk Books
Releases: July 2014


Guest review by Drew Broussard 

The Short Version: The end of the world is, quite literally, nigh - but Hank Palace has one case left to close.  As he tries to run down his sister (who thinks she's going to save the world), the clock is dwindling and loose ends are everywhere.  But the last policeman can't let the world end just yet.

The Review: Man. 

Give me a minute.

For one thing, I'd recommend reading this trilogy as back-to-back as you can.  There is something to be said for binge-reading this kind of apocalypse - in fact, I think it might be preferable.  Over the course of all three books, the question looms: what is going to happen at the end?  And I think it's better to try and address that question all at once instead of dragging it out.

And I don't mean "what's going to happen" in terms of the destruction and mayhem that will inevitably ensue upon impact - but rather what's going to happen to us?  How will we be at the end of all things?  In The Last Policeman, we saw society going on pretty much as usual - the edges only just starting to fray.  Countdown City saw the tipping point, the moment when it seemed like everyone woke up and realized that this was not a test but rather the real deal.  And now, in World of Trouble, we face the last week before impact and you cannot escape this book without looking deep inside and asking yourself what you would do.  Would you be like Hank?  Would you be like the trucker couple he meets?  Would you be like the kindly, if slightly deranged, Amish gentleman?  Or would you have checked out a long time ago, cashing in while you still had a choice?  

It's a deeply personal thing for a book to ask of a reader, especially a book that comes wrapped in an ostensibly genre package.  After all, isn't this a trilogy of mysteries?  But these stories were never about the crimes that Hank was trying to solve; they were about something more fundamental, something more elemental.  They're about the human reaction to adversity.  

On the one hand, Hank's decision to go after his sister rings deeply true with me.  Faced with the end of the world, I would absolutely want to know that my sister was okay.  And I would do a whole lot of things to make sure that she was okay.  But then you have to ask yourself... what does okay mean, in those circumstances?  Nico being alive and okay is important to Hank - but, honestly, for selfish reasons.  He wants her to be alive and okay because he wants that.  He needs it, in the waning days of humanity.  In this, Hank is perhaps no better than any of the darker variations he comes across on his trek out to Ohio.  Would it not have been kinder, in a way, to stay with the other cops in MA?  
But it is the case that drives him, of course - and the possibility, however faint, that his crazy sister just might be right.  Hank Palace would've, in another universe, made a pretty great policeman.  

As the book dwindles to a close, I don't think it spoils anything to say that we come right up to Impact Day.  October 3rd.  A Wednesday.  And that's where Winters' talent as a writer really shines: he makes the last chapters so authentic and real and horrible and beautiful that, again, you're forced to wonder what you'd do.  Where you would be.  As I fought back a tear or two on the train (the idea of such well realized destruction frightens me as it might a small child), I pondered this - and I don't know what I would do.  I really don't.  Would I stick it out - hope to ride out the ensuing global cataclysm as best I could, fight on to what would inevitably be a nasty and brutish end, regardless of whether I survived the immediate devastation?  Or would I have checked out early?  I don't believe it's cowardice to take the latter option, reader - and I think, between the lines, you see Hank considering this throughout the entire second half of the novel.  But, then, what are we (humanity, that is) better at than hoping?  Striving?  Staying alive? 

Rating: 4.5 out of 5.  The "case", as it were, means even less here - although, somewhat paradoxically, it also matters more.  At this point, though, we readers are simply on board the train to the end.  Because, let's face it: everybody wants to know what's going to happen.  How it will happen.  And lunchtime on Wednesday, October 3, comes way sooner than we want it to - but that's the trick of inexorability.  The triumph of this trilogy is not so much in the individual crime stories but rather in the profound examination (both by the author, in his characters, and by the author's material, in the reader's mind) of humanity in the face of inescapable doom.  What makes us human, what it means to survive and have a purpose - and how to cope, when the end does come.  A stunning achievement.

Drew Broussard reads, a lot. When not doing that, he's writing stories or playing music or acting or producing or coming up with other ways to make trouble.  He also has a day job at The Public Theater in New York City.

Vincenzo Bilof's Guide to Books & Booze

Time to grab a book and get tipsy!

Back by popular demand, Books & Booze, originally a mini-series of sorts here on TNBBC challenges participating authors to make up their own drinks, name and all, or create a drink list for their characters and/or readers using drinks that already exist. 

Today, Vincenzo Bilof assigns each of the main characters from his books a drink. Bottoms up!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Let’s have a drink somewhere.” The sentence may imply a lot of different things, from a sexual encounter to resolving a conflict with your nemesis. In fiction, characters who don’t abuse alcohol may often use a drink or two for the same purposes, and we figure that if the author included a scene in a bar, well, then, it’s important. Every word is important. Think about the scene in X-Men: First Class when Xavier and Magneto attempt to recruit Wolverine in a bar. That’s a great scene. We get one line from Wolverine…

If our characters are going to use alcohol, then it must be purposeful; characters who smoke or drink are in these situations where they use substances because it suits their character or drives the plot forward. A lot of convenient and inconvenient things happen in a bar (especially if you’re playing Dungeons and Dragons). But what if we take these characters outside of their fictional world? Would their “beverage of choice” say something about who they are? Here are some characters from my novels who might like a drink or two…

  

NecropolisNow (Severed Press)

The heroine in this book, Amparo Vega, is a hard, damaged woman. She loves guns, sex, and blowing things up. She’s a mercenary whose screwed-up sense of morality is challenged by zombie violence. She loves to drink; she’ll take shots of hard liquor over beer, but she’ll settle for anything in a pinch. She’s spent a lot of time drowning her guilt with bottles of Jack Daniels; someone offered her a shot of Everclear, or Bacardi 151, she wouldn’t hesitate.

GravityComics Massacre (Bizarro Pulp Press)

Brian Powers hates drinking and doing drugs. He’s driving through the Arizona desert in his van filled with people he loosely associates with; so when he takes his drug-addicted friends to a deserted town to check out the site of a legendary comic store where the owner murdered people and decorated the walls with their skin (and what could go wrong for a bunch of teenagers on such a journey…), he gives in to peer pressure and drinks Jack Daniels out of the bottle, which is unfortunately laced with some “extra” stuff. Even though Brian doesn’t like to party, Jack, Kurt, and Jamie are hard drinkers, and they bring more than a couple bottles of liquor into the ruins of a ghostly town.

  

JapaneseWerewolf Apocalypse (Severed Press)

Sake! This novel takes place in two different timelines (yes, there’s time travel involved), and since we’re in Japan, somebody has to drink sake… But during the contemporary segments of the novel, we see the world through the eyes of Edmund Grant and Morgan Brand, two werewolf hunters with completely different tastes. Grant will enjoy several cheap beers at a time, even when he’s on the prowl for a “fleabag.” Brand isn’t much of a drinker; he’s a fast food junkie, and he loves soda. If Morgan had to choose, he’d go with a mixed drink, but he’d much rather just crack open a bag of Doritos.

The HorrorShow (Bizarro Pulp Press)

The protagonist (who is nameless) in this poetry-narrative is a narcoleptic-amnesiac poet with sociopathic tendencies. His wife, Connie, has given him things to drink and has slipped sleeping pills and ecstasy into his beverages, but those are on “doctor’s orders,” because our protagonist becomes the subject of a wild psychological experiment. The poet, when he’s semi-conscious, enjoys Long Island Iced-Teas while he’s wearing dark sunglasses in seedy establishments.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From Detroit, Michigan, Vincenzo Bilof has been called "The Metallica of Poetry" and "The Shakespeare of Gore". He likes to think Ezra Pound, T.S. Eliot, and Charles Baudelaire would be proud of his work. It's possible the ghosts of Roberto Bolano and Syd Barrett are playing chess at his dining table. Vincenzo is the co-conspirator behind the "Anti-Poetry" poetry movement. A member of the Horror Writers Association, Vincenzo is the author of nine novels, including the Zombie Ascension series and Gravity Comics Massacre. A novel written as a collection of poems, The Horror Show, is another one of his nonsensical works. When he's not chasing his kids around the house or watching bad horror films, he reads and reviews horror fiction, though his tastes are more literary. Forthcoming projects include the horror-satire Vampire Strippers from Saturn, and the meta-fictional novella, Vincenzo Bilof Must Die. He hopes that all of his readers are aged 18+. You can check out his blog here: http://vincenzobilof.blogspot.com/

Gonzo is his favorite Muppet.

Sad Robot Blog Tour Stops Here Tonight... and Continues On Tomorrow Elsewhere....

Due to some scheduling difficulties, the Sad Robot Blog Tour makes a brief and unexpected - but completely appreciated - stop here for the night. I'm thrilled to be able to host a leg of this tour. And not just because I organized the whole thing. And not just because I absolutely adored Sad Robot Stories. I'm thrilled for those reasons, sure. But I'm especially thrilled to be hosting this specific post, because Mason has sent along a video of his writing space, and is such a super funny cutie pie! Be jealous, all of you.

You totally have to check this out.

Where Mason Johnson Writes

I was going to try and be funny and film this old, rotting desk that's been sitting out in my alley for the past three months, saying that it was my "work space," but as luck would have it, the desk was gone.

Wow. Just wow.

Here instead is my actual office/guest bedroom/cat shack -- it's not made of cats, cats just like it.

I sit at the computer, I disconnect the internet, I write. It's as simple as that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know you want more of Mason. You can't deny it. So don't even try. Here's where he's been, in case you've missed it:

Chicago Literati  - where those talented folks create cool illustrations for an excerpt from the book.

Hypertext - where Mason dished on his favorite robots, past, present, and imaginary. 

Glorified Love Letters - where Mason composed a playlist of songs sung by wanna-be-robots.

Two Dudes in an Attic - where Mason shares his reaction to a not-so-hot review. 

Words, Notes, and Fiction - interviews Mason

Here's where he's going to be, so you can make sure to be there too:

Tomorrow, Curbside Splendor's planning a review

Wednesday, Guiltless Reading will have a video reading of Mason

Thursday, Books, With Occasional Food will have an essay on the food of robot names 

Friday, Mason'll be doing something over at Banango Lit.

And The Weeklings will officially close us out with an essay from Mason on Cherry 2000. Zoinks!

Melanie Reviews: Tibetan Peach Pie

Tibetan Peach Pie: A True Account of an Imaginative Life by Tom Robbins

363 pages

Publisher: Ecco

Released: May 2014

Guest review by Melanie Page

Firstly, how can you resist the call to know more about Tom Robbins, legendary contemporary author of books like Even Cowgirls Get the Blues and Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates? If his name and playful prose style (the guy makes up catch phrases like “woo-woo”) aren’t enough to draw you in, here’s a bit about this huge tome:

Robbins claims Tibetan Peach Pie is not an autobiography and it’s not a memoir (“although it waddles and quacks enough like a memoir to be mistaken for one if the light isn’t right”). What you get are dozens of sections with brief titles like “holy tomato!” and “god bless bohemia.” Within those sections are smaller sections, often 2-3 paragraphs long. Robbins is basically breaking the book down into themes that he explores with brief stories from his life. He claims that the order is mostly chronological, which holds true. The first sections are things he did as a baby and then a boy, and we move into his marriages, publications, world travels, and controlled drug use (Tom Robbins, believe it or not, never used while writing--not even coffee). While it sounds like this could get jumbled, Robbins is a master at keeping his stories organized; they don’t jump around, and when he says he’ll “get to something more in a minute,” it’s in the very next section so that readers don’t forget the original connection.

Because Robbins was born long before TV (in 1932), storytelling is a vital part of who he is, and Tibetan Peach Pie demonstrates the oral tradition in a way that makes you want to read the vignettes aloud to those around you. Describing segregated Warsaw, Virginia, Robbins recalls a black preacher who drove a truck that said, “THE REVEREND EVER READY” on the side. The reverend would make stops to a race-friendly store where six or seven children would jump out of the truck and scatter. When it was time to leave, the reverend would yell, “All aboard! If you can't get a board, get a plank! If you can't get a plank, get your ass in the truck!” It’s specific memories like these that recall what people said and how they said it that makes Robbin’s “memoir” so readable. You can almost hear the language, see the children running for the truck. Robbins’s narrative paragraphs, too, read like someone telling you the story, not writing it.

His metaphors and similes are another thing you might remember from his novels, but if you’ve never experienced Tom Robbins, let me reassure you that this man compares the most mundane things to objects you would never think to pair. Because he grew up in North Carolina and Virginia and then later moved to the west coast, Robbins claims, “Today, my voice sounds as if it's been strained through Davy Crockett's underwear. While to my mind's ear, I might sound like an Oxford-educated intellectual, I have only to hear myself on tape to realize that in actuality mine is the voice of a can of cheap dog food--if a can of cheap dog food could speak.” When Robbins describes one of his trips around the globe, he confirms for readers that hippos are the most dangerous animals in jungles: “The hippopotamus is a vegetarian but ferociously territorial (you might find that true of certain vegans you know), and will flip a raft or bite it in half: once one is in the water, the crocodiles show up like a bunch of starving hobos descending on a boxcar full of fried chicken.” It’s the creativity to think of crocodiles as those rail-riding hobos and hippos as shouty vegans that makes him stand out among not only his contemporaries, but any writer.

My favorite example of Robbin’s using a simile is when as a boy he must shake the hand of a preacher whom he does not like because “...shaking his hand was like being forced to grasp the flaccid penis of a hypothermic zombie.” Robbins may be 82 now, but he’s kept up on pop culture just fine (and thus the zombie reference). He makes fun of Sarah Palin and e-books (how can his writing be reduced to those tiny 0s and 1s??). This is not a guy frozen in time wishing for “the good old days.” Each day is a new adventure, a new challenge, and I’m not even sure Robbins suggests he’s ready to slow down. A highly recommended and addicting read!

Melanie Page is a MFA graduate, adjunct instructor, and recent founder of Grab the Lapels, a site that only reviews books written by women (www.grabthelapels.weebly.com).

Book Review: The Fun We've Had

Read 6/9/14 - 6/11/14
3 Stars - Recommended to readers who prefer allegorical, non linear, reflective literature
Pages: 168
Publisher: Lazy Fascist Press
Released: May 2014


Lazy Fascist, my friend, I love you, but sometimes your choice of literature confuses me. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this book. But. I mean. Well, there's something a little not-quite-you about it. It's definitely less bizarre than your usual fare and far more out-of-body than I'm used to from you. If that makes sense. To be honest, though, I do find it interesting that Michael J Seidlinger's writing shares similarities to the likes of Blake Butler and JA Tyler, both of whom you've published in the past. So maybe, now that I think about it, this type of book is more common to your catalog than I give you credit for? And I've just managed to read around it this whole time? Huh. Looks like I just talked myself into a big fat circle right there. Uhm. Ok. Moving on...

So I crack open The Fun We've Had - or, uhm, rather, I slide the pages from right to left on my smartphone - and begin to read about a 'he and she' who're paddling around the great wide ocean in a coffin. They are in love, were in love, will be in love once more, bicker and ignore one another, borrow one another's bodies, and move through the endless waters in a numbing humdrum of internal contemplation. They are each other's protector and rejector, judge and jury. They cannot escape one another, nor do they seem to want to. They harbor heavy guilt and concern for one another. Each exudes forgiveness while refusing to forget, and this inability to let go is what we begin to realize has been keeping them both afloat.

Seidlinger breaks the book out into chapters that resemble the various stages of grief - Anger, Fear, Acceptance, etc. The 'him' and the 'her' take turns sharing their viewpoints through that chapter's specific filter, divulging their side of the relationship as they "row", intimating their idea of where they are and why they are there, and how they might get themselves out of their strange and worrisome predicament. As they accuse (whether outwardly or inwardly) the coffin takes on water and they must work together to avoid it slipping beneath the waves. When the rain that falls upon them turns acidic, one scurries to protect the other.

At one point in the book, they move into each other's bodies and see themselves through the other's eyes - how they've let themselves go, how they've aged ungracefully - and little by little, as they acknowledge and accept portions of the other, they give the bits of their bodies back. At another point, the woman's mother floats up to their coffin out of nowhere and moves away again. All the while, they ask themselves and each other "are we having fun?"

Throughout the rotating chapters, we begin to piece together a moment, or series of moments, that took place in the couple's past, the catalyst that most likely influenced their current situation. And I'm afraid if I go any further I may just ruin the book for you - assuming I am spot-on with my assumption of what has been taking place throughout the entire book and am not completely off base or reading into something that is not there.

On the surface, The Fun We've Had appears to be a quick read but you'll soon discover how deceiving it is. Yes, at face value, it's a dissection of relationships. It's a call to arms for love and the fear of losing love, a look at the lengths we go to in order to never let go, to fight the final goodbye, and everyone who reads it is guaranteed to find themselves reflected in some way, some shape, some form, within its words.

But if you're like me, you'll find yourself stopping more and more often between character rotations to digest what has just been thrown at you. Like the sting of cold water splashed unexpectedly at your face, Seidlinger excels at tucking his meanings between the lines, lulling you to sleep with his prose, only to jolt you awake again with a statement or confession that causes you to look back at what you've just read through newer, more aware eyes.

This book is certainly not for everyone. Its style and structure will be an immediate turn off for those who prefer the more standard and linear forms of story telling. If you get a thrill out of reading books that pull you out of your comfort zone, that leave you questioning what exactly is taking place, then go on and grab this one. I'd be curious to see if you came to the same conclusion I did.

Indie Book Buzz: Atticus Press

It's the return of the Indie Book Buzz here at TNBBC. Over the next few months or so, we will be inviting members of the small press publishing houses to share which of their upcoming releases they are most excited about!

This week's pick comes from Dan Cafaro, 

founder and publisher of Atticus Books

The Shimmering Go-Between: A Novel
by Lee Klein

Publication date: Aug. 19, 2014

What's It About

Set at the dawn of the Internet age, this imaginatively unhinged yet formally controlled contemporary fable dramatizes the struggle between impulsivity and restraint. A sort of semi-perverted post-YA novel, The Shimmering Go-Between is  . . .  

An “intricately layered debut novel [that] manages to reorganize the landscapes of conception, birth, death, Heaven and New Jersey . . . Klein leads the reader to a ledge of unbelievability and dares the reader to believe . . . Klein does it so well . . . and then he pushes you off that ledge. Giggling.
- Christopher Allen, Word Riot

It has been described as an OMG exploration of WTF.

Why You Should Read It

If Willful Suspension of Disbelief were a race in the literary Olympics, this moving and luminous debut would set the record. If this novel were edible, it’d be less like a plate of meat than an inside-out eel roll atop a Russian doll.

File under:
Contemporary American Fabulism

Why I'm Excited to Publish It

I started my own press to discover distinct voices and far-out, relentlessly inventive books like this one. So far I think this description by Christian TeBordo sums it up best:

"Comedy, genuine feeling, and an authentic sense of what it’s like to be alive in our time ooze from the pages of this book like tiny, nude women have been rumored to ooze from the pores of certain bearded men."

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lee Klein is the author of Thanks and Sorry and Good Luck: Rejection Letters from the Eyeshot Outbox (Barrelhouse Books, 2014). A graduate of Oberlin College and the Iowa Writers’ Workshop, he lives in Philadelphia with his wife and daughter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan Cafaro is the founder and publisher of Atticus Books, a small press based in Madison, N.J. When Dan is not following his wife around the country, he is known to sit for long periods of time pondering how to live off the grid.

The Audio Series: Brian Allen Carr

Our audio series "The Authors Read. We Listen." is an incredibly special one for us. Hatched in a NYC club during BEA week, this feature requires more work of the author than any of the ones that have come before. And that makes it all the more sweeter when you see, or rather, hear them read excerpts from their own novels, in their own voices, the way their stories were meant to be heard.


Today, Brian Allen Carr reads an excerpt from his latest novella The Last Horror Novel in the History of the World. Brian lives in the Rio Grande Valley of Texas. His short fiction has appeared in Ninth Letter, Boulevard, Hobart, McSweeney's Small Chair and other publications. His most recent books are out with Lazy Fascist Press.

Click on the soundcloud link to experience La Llorona as read by Brian:




The word on The Last Novel in the History of the World:

The black magic of bad living only looks hideous to honest eyes.

Welcome to Scrape, Texas, a nowhere town near the Mexican border. Few people ever visit Scrape, and the unlucky ones who live there never seem to escape. They fill their days with fish fries, cheap beer, tobacco, firearms, and sex. But Scrape is about to be invaded by a plague of monsters unlike anything ever seen in the history of the world. First there's La Llorona -- the screaming woman in white -- and her horde of ghost children. Then come the black, hairy hands. Thousands, millions, scurrying on fingers like spiders or crabs. But the hands are nothing to El Abuelo, a wicked creature with a magical bullwhip, and even El Abuelo don't mean shit when the devil comes to town.
*lifted with love from goodreads