Clayton Smith's Would You Rather

Bored with the same old fashioned author interviews you see all around the blogosphere? Well, TNBBC's newest series is a fun, new, literary spin on the ole Would You Rather game. Get to know the authors we love to read in ways no other interviewer has. I've asked them to pick sides against the same 20 odd bookish scenarios. 

Clayton Smith's

Would You Rather

Would you rather write an entire book with your feet or with your tongue?

 That depends on if I’m writing on a typewriter or with a pen. If typewriter, then feet. If pen, then also feet.

Would you rather have one giant bestseller or a long string of moderate sellers?

 I’d rather have a longer public career, methinks, than be a one-book wonder.

Would you rather be a well known author now or be considered a literary genius after you’re dead?

 I’d rather be well-known now. That would make it easier to convince my wife that all the time I spend locked in my office writing is worth it. Besides, after I’m dead, I plan on becoming famous for a very different reason; being the world’s tallest ghost.

Would you rather write a book without using conjunctions or have every sentence of your book begin with one?

 For reasons unknown, I reallyenjoy starting sentences with “and” and “so.” So I’d go with the second option. And I’d love it.

Would you rather have every word of your favorite novel tattooed on your skin or always playing as an audio in the background for the rest of your life?

 Definitely tattoo. It’s hard for me to focus on writing (or working, or talking, or breathing) when there’s music or other audio playing. (But it would have to be roundly agreed upon that the tattoo would not be written in Comic Sans.)

Would you rather write a book you truly believe in and have no one read it or write a crappy book that comprises everything you believe in and have it become an overnight success?

 I’d much rather write a book I wanted to write and have no one read it. I think that, as a writer, you should write for yourself first. You shouldn’t write to be famous; you should write because you have a story in your brain that you can’t bear to not tell.

Would you rather write a plot twist you hated or write a character you hated?

 I’d rather write a character I hate, because I’d get the oh-so-satisfying opportunity to kill him off. With a bad plot twist, the only thing you kill is your book.

Would you rather use your skin as paper or your blood as ink?

 Blood as ink. It would pretty much force everyone to take everything I write very seriously. (Write books on your own skin, and you’re just a loony.)

Would you rather become a character in your novel or have your characters escape the page and reenact the novel in real life?

 Since Apocalypticonis an absurd post-apocalyptic adventure, it’s probably better for everyone else if I go into the novel instead of unleashing the novel on them.

Would you rather write without using punctuation and capitalization or without using words that contained the letter E?

 If Cormac McCarthy has taught me anything, it’s that punctuation is for sissies. I’ll go with Column A.

Would you rather have schools teach your book or ban your book?

 I love the mysterious allure of a good old-fashioned banned book, and it’d likely make it a better seller…but I think it’d be more beneficial on the whole if they taught my book. HashtagEducationFirst.

Would you rather be forced to listen to Ayn Rand bloviate for an hour or be hit on by an angry Dylan Thomas?

 EASY QUESTION. Being hit on by Dylan would be an honor. A DAMN HONOR.

Would you rather be reduced to speaking only in haiku or be capable of only writing in haiku?

 Oof. Poetry’s not my strong suit. I guess I’d go with writing in haiku, to spare my wife the day-to-day trauma.

Would you rather be stuck on an island with only the 50 Shades Series or a series in a language you couldn’t read?

 I’d take the 50 Shades. With enough time, I could tear out and rearrange the words to write something more to taste. Sexy, sexy taste.

Would you rather critics rip your book apart publicly or never talk about it at all?

 Hey, any press is good press, right? I think I’d rather have them rip it apart. If the review is bad enough, maybe people will check it out for the train wreck factor.

Would you rather have everything you think automatically appear on your Twitter feed or have a voice in your head narrate your every move?

 Option 1 would be disastrous; I’d constantly be tweeting out bars from The Muppet Show opening number. I’d rather have the voice, especially if it’s Morgan Freeman’s.

Would you rather give up your computer or pens and paper?

 Not even I can read my handwriting. I’d do better to give us pens and paper.

Would you rather write an entire novel standing on your tippy-toes or laying down flat on your back?

 Tippy-toes. Gravity makes computers heavy and notebooks floppy.

Would you rather read naked in front of a packed room or have no one show up to your reading?

 Definitely naked reading. Think of the press! (And the horror. The press and the horror.)

Would you rather read a book that is written poorly but has an excellent story, or read one with weak content but is written well? 

 I’d rather read a well-written book with weak content. No question. I recently read Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children, and it fell squarely into the first category. It was a horrible experience (though, to be fair, the photos were a great touch). It just makes you cringe, seeing all that potential fall flat. But if you write well, you can make even the most boring content sparkle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clayton Smith is a writer of speculative fiction living in Chicago, where he has become exceedingly good at cursing the winters. He writes novels, short stories, and plays, mostly. His work has been featured on the popular Internet site Amazon, and his plays have been produced rather mercilessly in St. Louis and New York City. He tends to inject a healthy dose of magical realism into his stories, which distresses his characters to no end. One day, they will likely rebel against him, but for now, they’re all fairly busy managing various disasters, villains, and the occasional apocalypse.

Drew Reviews: See You in Paradise

See You in Paradise by J. Robert Lennon
5 Stars - Highly Recommended by Drew!
Pages: 256
Publisher: Graywolf Press
Releases: November 2014


Guest review by Drew Broussard 

The Short Version: A collection of short stories that all seem to focus on, in one way or another, the weirdness of modern American life.  The simple oddity of suburbia - the terror, the pathos, the warmth, the... well, the Americanness of it all.  Some stories are simple, others a bit fantastical, but they all spin around that same '50s-esque invitation implied by the cover: that that green lawn and simple home might just be the closest we get to paradise.

The Review: Graywolf Press is one of the mightiest indie presses publishing today - just check out the simple weight of a collection like this one or Kevin Barry's Dark Lies the Island.  The stories lend themselves to individual doses; you can read one, put the book down, and come get another later that day or perhaps the next day.  They are not necessarily all fantastical (although some certainly are) but they all seem to capture the fantastic nature of everyday life with an ease and keen sense of observation that appears effortless (although I'm sure is anything but).

Lennon's last novel, Familiar, was my introduction to the man's work and I found it interesting but slight - I enjoyed, but did not love or really feel terribly passionate about, it.  But from the very first story here, it was clear that Lennon is an uncommon talent and perhaps even one of those rare writers who can achieve great things in that hardest of forms, the short story.  "Portal", that first story, tells of a magic portal that turns up in a suburban backyard - but Lennon allows it to be as mundane as any other 'feature' of a new house.  The family travels through it from time to time as a sort of bonding adventure... but slowly, despite this magic in their lives, they drift as any family might.  The magic doesn't save them, it doesn't even really necessarily change them - it just becomes a part of their lives that shifts as time goes by.  But the real trick is having put this story first: it forces the reader to stay alert for the rest of the collection.

Because the rest of the collection does not feature much magic or fantasy - indeed, really only two of the further tales do.  But as the next story, "No Life", begins (a relatively/comparatively mundane story of two families vying over an adoption [note: the story itself is not mundane, it's actually quite good, but the circumstances... no magic portal... you know what I mean]), the reader wonders just a little if something weird is going to happen.  Slight spoiler, it doesn't - at least, not in the way that a reader might've anticipated (e.g. magic or some fantastic twist) - but the slight instability in the reader's mind lingers and that seems to benefit the collection as a whole.

It also helps to read these stories in the setting that they were, perhaps, intended for: suburbia.  The petty arguments, the strange rivalries, the unfathomable depths of the human experience that hide behind the well-kept facades / within the air-conditioned walls of suburban homes... it's an never-ending repository of possibility.  Perhaps your neighbor, too, purchases a hibachi grill for his wife.  Or maybe they're having a party to memorialize the passing of their dog.  You don't know how the folks down the street's family vacation went - heck, you might not even know that they went on one.  But for those who live in suburbia (or even those who might be visiting it shortly), gather this collection to take with you [ed. note: ...once it comes out in November.  Sorry for the tease, folks.]and allow it to color your imagination as you drive down those tree-lined (or not) streets with the manicured lawns and mod-cons.

Even the stories that spin off out of so-called "suburbia" and into the city or into the wider world retain some sense of that non-city-life.  These are not stories of major metropolises and the people who live in them but rather everyone else.  The large majority of the country, in fact.  And those who have only ever lived in a city might not understand the appeal.  But that's because we've been taught that the city is where life evolves, while the suburbs are where it just happens.  But if you're one of the people where life is just happening, don't you think it feels like an evolution to you?  That's the thing of Lennon's stories and it is a marvelous trick.

[one additional note: I have been to a restaurant called the Buck Snort, but I don't think it was this one.  The one I visited was in Colorado and was a delightful woodsy place where I don't think anyone has died.  Just, you know, in case you get excited like I did when you come to that story.  Different Buck Snort.  FYI.]

Rating: 5 out of 5.  None of the stories leap out as better than the others, per se - I don't know that there's one where you'll go "OH WOW!" and post it up as a banner example of Lennon's work.  Instead, each of the stories spins together into the whole and makes this collection that oh-so-rare example of being greater than the sum of its individual parts.  And those individual parts are all good.  They are not connected, they are not linked - they are just all solid pieces of short fiction.  And reading them on a porch or in air-conditioned suburban 'security' was just one of those perfect confluences of time, place, and story.

Drew Broussard reads, a lot. When not doing that, he's writing stories or playing music or acting or producing or coming up with other ways to make trouble.  He also has a day job at The Public Theater in New York City.

Indie Spotlight: Jessica Null Vealitzek

Almost every author, at some point in their career, will find themselves writing books from points of views that are foreign to them. A female author narrating her novel from the POV of a middle-aged male. A male author writing from the POV of a single mother.  And every author worries if they are coming across authentic enough, if they can truly get inside that characters head and portray them appropriately. 

Today, Jessica Null Nealitzek takes a look at a similar question. Can she convincingly write a gay character? Take a look at her thought process as she worked on her novel The Rooms Are Filled..... 

Can a Straight Person Write a Gay Character?

I’ll admit, I was uneasy from the start. My novel, The Rooms Are Filled, is loosely based on a true story centered on the friendship of a nine-year-old boy and his closeted teacher. The fact that the teacher, Julia, is a lesbian is central to the story. But I worried—could I treat her sensitively enough? Could I accurately portray what it might feel like to be gay and in the closet? Might gay audiences brush me off as a straight person trying too hard or not hard enough?

The discomfort continued through the writing of my first solid draft. And my second. Beta readers kept responding, “I want to see more of Julia. What drives her? What’s her deal?”

I was avoiding her—so worried was I about somehow offending anyone. I was too worried to write Julia well.

Then one day, I had a simple realization: I’m not a nine-year-old boy, either. I’m not a single mother, or a father, or a cop, all of whom make appearances in the book.

Julia, like several characters, is a person struggling to accept herself. “Well, ok,” I thought. “I can relate to that.” And then, for me, the writing took off.

The response from readers, both gay and straight, has been wonderful. Some in the industry, though, are having a harder time placing my book. It doesn’t fit neatly on either side of LGBT or Otherwise. One industry person told my publicist, skeptically: “It’s a gay book written by a straight person.”

I don’t know, and I don’t care, whether the person who said that is gay or straight.

The implication, though, is clear: I don’t know what I’m talking about. I wonder, though, how J.K. Rowling knew how to write about wizards? And do you think James Patterson has actually murdered people?

My dad always told me to imagine what it might be like in someone else’s shoes.  Growing up, I often actually did this: I’d close my eyes and imagine a scenario and try my hardest to see it, smell it, feel it. I think very often this is the first step toward becoming a writer.

Isn’t that what we writers do? We observe, we stand in someone else’s—or our own—shoes, and we feel. We learn what we think is worth learning, and then we write it and try to help others know, too. At our best, we create understanding. So that you can say, “I’ve been there, too,” and she can say, “You’re not alone,” and he can say, “I see. Now I get it.”

We entertain, yes. But in the greatest sense, we writers create understanding—for our readers and for ourselves. We don’t write only what we already know, we write what we want to know. We close our eyes and find the parts that unify us, and extend a hand. Even a sliver of understanding is better than nothing, and worth the try.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jessica Null Vealitzek is the author of the coming-of-age novel, The Rooms Are Filled. She lives and writes near Chicago. You can find her online at jessicavealitzek.com. 

Product Review: "Gone Reading" Goodies

GONE READING PRODUCT REVIEW

TNBBC is breaking new ground today! We're reviewing some bookish goodies that were sent to us from GoneReading.com. Founded back in 2011, Gone Reading's mission is to sell book lovers brilliant products that will enhance their reading life. And they pledge to donate 100% of their after-tax profits to literary charities like Read Global and Ethiopia Reads.

When their founder reached out to me a few weeks ago for a potential review opportunity, I browsed their website and really liked what I saw. Gone Reading is like a book lover's cornucopia - from bookmarks to book caddies to bookish tshirts and candles, this place has it all. So I agreed to check out some of their stuff and share my honest opinions here...

And now... onto the review....

THE GREAT UNWRAPPING

A little like Christmas morning, isn't it? Getting a package in the mail and not knowing what's inside? Give it a little shake and test the weight... and then run for the scissors! When I opened the box, I saw a personal, hand written note, a box of earplugs, a book journal, a pack of bookmarks, and a scented diffuser kit. (That last one was specifically requested by moi.)

THE "YOU ARE HERE" BOOK MARK PADS (25 count)

$5.00

First thing I love about these - the color! I am such a fan of green. Especially lime green. These book marks are made of a sturdy material and would be a great gift for people who take notes or use stickies to mark pages as they read. 

The Pros:

The YOU ARE HERE book mark has a spot for you to write the title, author, date started, date finished, and a section in the middle to mark specific pages - with a tiny area for you to make a note about why you're flagging that page. Everything you'd need to know or remember about the book AFTER you've read it.

The Cons:

Ok, it's kind of obvious. One book mark per book. They're not exactly re-usable once you write on them. And oh, you totally can't use them for audiobooks or ebooks (which are the two formats I'm currently reading in) Booooo.... So while I'm not able to put one into use yet, I definitely will once I get started on an old-fashioned-print book!

SSHHHH, I'M READING EAR PLUGS

$12.99

Your choice of hot pink, arctic white, or charcoal. Made of soft-touch hypoallergenic silicone, they kind of smell like those big pink erasers you bought when you were in grade school (yeah, I totally smelled them, like YOU wouldn't, pshhh!). 

The Pros:

They come in a cute little plastic holder so you don't loose them. 

The Cons:

Such a big price for such a little thing. Two wads of cotton would be cheaper and would probably be easier to pull out of your earholes. These things scare me. I won't test them. What if I push them in too far and can't get them back out again? Is there an emergency release button? Don't laugh. I can hear you snickering over there. 

MY BIBLIOFILE BOOK JOURNAL

$12.99

160 lined pages for you to write down your bookish thoughts as you read each book, with some fun "extra" pages mixed in (like the "reading trees" shown above). Sturdy hardcover to withstand your constant and abusive use. 

The Pros: 

It's a great way to capture your thoughts as you read each book. Perfect gift for those who like to log what they read, and with 160 pages, you'd only need to purchase one to log what you read all year, so well worth the price. It's got some cute "extras", like a place to note all of the author readings you've attended, a section to keep track of the books you've loaned out, and a few pages to write out your favorite book quotes. 

The Cons:

I'm not finding any cons, other than the fact that I'm not a book journal kinda girl and wouldn't immediately use it myself. Guess I could use in the event Goodreads goes down for maintenance and never comes back up again?!

FRAGRANCE DIFFUSER - INSPIRED BY MARK TWAIN

$28.00

Packaged in a book-cloth covered box, and marked with foil stamp labels, this diffuser set is absolutely gorgeous. Comes with tobacco flower and vanilla scented oil, reeds, and a 4 oz bottle/vessel. Claims that fragrance will last up to 4 months. 

The Pros:

The smell... the smell is AMAZING. All I did was open the oil and now I can't sniffing my hands! The packaging is beautiful. I brought this to work with me, and have already had people pop their head into my office asking what it was and where they could get some. (I had two small diffuser kits in the house that ran out of oil loooong ago, so I wet the bottom with some of this stuff, too.) If you don't dig Mark Twain, they also have it in Jane Austin, Oscar Wilde, and Edgar Allen Poe. So yay for choices!And everyone loves to make their  rooms smell good so it'd make a great gift. 

The Cons:

What? Seriously? There are none. Go buy yourself one now. Your welcome. 

Audiobook Review: Wise Blood

Listened 7/19/14 - 7/28/14
3 Stars - Recommended to readers who like their characters slightly mad and incredibly unlikable
Audio: approx 4 hours
Publisher: Blackstone Audio
Released: 2010



Welp! I'm no longer a Flannery O'Connor virgin. It's about time I popped that cherry. I own a few of her books, have had them sitting around here for years actually, but just never seemed to get around to reading any of them. And I'd always heard great things about Wise Blood, her first novel, so when I saw downpour.com had it on audio, and that it was narrated by Bronson Pinchot (who did a phenomenal job with Authority), I figured now was as good a time as any to get started on her.

Though, now that I look back at it, I wonder if this was the right book to start with because I found every single one of its characters to be wholly unlikable and more-than-a-little mad. And I'm not sure if that's typical of Flannery or if it's specific to this book due to its religious nature.

But before I get too far off course, let's set things up. Wise Blood tells the tale of Hazel Motes, a sour young military man who returns home to discover that, well, he has no home to return to. A quick peek through the house he grew up in is enough to tell him that his mother just packed up and disappeared. If that wasn't enough to put a chip on his shoulder, my guess is being asked if he's a preacher by every stranger he comes across certainly is. Maybe it's the suit and hat? Maybe it's the way he carries himself? Or maybe it's the fact that he claims to be an out-and-out atheist?

He's crotchety, and sarcastic, and looks down his nose at everyone, and now, out of the blue, he's decided to go on and preach a new church - The Church Without Christ - to prove to everyone just how anti-religious he is. He buys a beat up ole car, parks it in front of various movie houses, and spews his atheist views from the hood of it, proud to piss people off and even prouder to blasphemy the word of God.

As he builds his roaming Church Without Christ, he comes into contact with eighteen year old Enoch Emery, a kid who is incredibly mentally unstable and who's taken an extreme liking to Hazel. He follows Hazel around town endlessly, yammering away about his shit family life, and his current friendless existence, and tries desperately to befriend him. Hazel can't stand Enoch, can't seem to shake him off, and treats him horribly time and time again. But Enoch's got "wise blood", blood that talks to him, blood that tells Enoch to do bad things, things he isn't really keen to be doing, things he seems helpless to avoid. things that keep leading him back to Hazel.

Hazel, meanwhile, has become infatuated with Asa Hawks, an old "blind man" he meets on the street. The old man wants nothing to do with him, so to punish him Hazel devises a plan that includes moving into the old man's apartment building and seducing his fifteen year old daughter, Sabbath. The plan quickly backfires, though, when Sabbath returns his faked affections ten-fold, much to his dismay and frustration.

You'd have to be blind not to see that Hazel isn't all that different than Enoch. Wanting what he can't have. Following someone around town who won't accept his company. Putting people up on pedestals who have no right and no interest in being up there.

Little by little, Enoch's obsession with Hazel, his determination to help Hazel locate a new Jesus for his church, and his desire to have Hazel acknowledge him drives him mad. Well, more mad, I guess. Because lord knows that boy's head was never screwed on properly to begin with. And Hazel. Poor, miserable, confused Hazel. A man who claims he has no religion yet struggles daily with the fact that he isn't "clean"; who preaches The Church Without Christ yet punishes himself day after day in the name of the very religion he speaks out against. We watch idly as his growing obsession with The Hawks' and his own unclean behaviors drive him teetering off the deep end too...

A funny thing about religion. In order to be atheist - to disbelieve in the existence of God - you are kind of admitting that there is something to disbelieve in. By taking a stand against God, against the existence of God, are you not confirming that God does, then, exist? That's quite the little pickle he's found himself in. Like a snake eating its own tail.

Wise Blood doesn't attempt to define words like "grace" and "redemption" and "Jesus". Rather, it delves into how others perceive them. The powerful effect they can have on believers and nonbelievers alike.

Oh yeah. And it brings to life some of most mentally unstable and annoying characters I've ever met in literature!

Paul McCormack's Would You Rather

Bored with the same old fashioned author interviews you see all around the blogosphere? Well, TNBBC's newest series is a fun, new, literary spin on the ole Would You Rather game. Get to know the authors we love to read in ways no other interviewer has. I've asked them to pick sides against the same 20 odd bookish scenarios. 

Paul McCormack's 

Would You Rather

Would you rather write an entire book with your feet or with your tongue? 

Feet—if no other reason than to avoid the horrible mouth-related puns that would inevitably spring up in negative reviews: “bad taste in the mouth”, “sucks”, “throwing up on the page” and on and on. And if I used my foot there’d probably be some flattering Daniel Day Lewis references there. I’m down for some good DDL comparisons.

Would you rather have one giant bestseller or a long string of moderate sellers? 

That’s a tough one. Someone like Harper Lee who was content with one brilliant work doesn’t seem to me to be inferior to someone like Joe R Lansdale who’s done a lot of really good work but never had a mega-huge seller. If I’d finish a book and feel like that I’d done all I could do and was happy to leave it at that, then hopefully it’s big one.

That said, I think I’ve got more than one story left in me, so I’ll go for the “long string” answer.

Would you rather be a well known author now or be considered a literary genius after you’re dead? 

I imagine being well-known now would make paying bills easier, so that would be nice. Aside from that, I’m not sure I really care. Would you rather be Orson Wells or Ed Wood? Wells is clearly the better filmmaker but I get the feeling Ed Wood had more fun with his projects. Being able to enjoy writing for what it means to you is more rewarding than getting caught up in how you’re received in popular culture.

Would you rather write a book without using conjunctions or have every sentence of your book begin with one? 

Without. Can you imagine a book with every sentence beginning with a conjunction? That would be a lot of pronouns. I’m not creative enough because I can’t imagine a scenario where that wouldn’t be painful to read.

Would you rather have every word of your favorite novel tattooed on your skin or always playing as an audio in the background for the rest of your life? 

I imagine that would depend on the length of my favorite novel. A long one might be better to hear over and over compared to the excruciating process of getting it tattooed all over.

If I had choose one “favorite” it’s kind of in the middle where it’s tough to call, although the idea of getting “Po-tee-weet” tattooed on each eyelid is kinda kickass.

Would you rather write a book you truly believe in and have no one read it or write a crappy book that comprises everything you believe in and have it become an overnight success? 

The former, especially since if it ends up being huge, you’d end up having to talk about it day in and day out. Having to talk endlessly about a project that you despise would be its own special kind of hell.

Would you rather write a plot twist you hated or write a character you hated? 

Character. You can hate a character for all sorts of reasons. More importantly, you can hate a well-written character for several very good reasons. I’d say it says a lot about you as an author if you’re able to write a good character that you detest like that. In contrast, plot twists you hate feel more like you’re cheating or doing something half-assed, which is never a good feeling.

Would you rather use your skin as paper or your blood as ink? 

This sounds like one of those “sounds good in romantic poetry but bad idea in real life” sorta things. Probably blood as ink. Despite my earlier answer, I’m not a big fan of tattoos so the skin/paper thing isn’t really up my alley.

Would you rather become a character in your novel or have your characters escape the page and reenact the novel in real life? 

Since a significant portion of my latest novel involves an impending universal cataclysm, I’m not really all that fired up to have that come crashing into reality (you can all thank me later for that). I guess the ethical answer would for me to be a character in the novel in that sense, although I’m not sure what I’d do—my actual characters have the action handled pretty effectively, I think. I’d probably just end up being “unnamed gas station attendant in Chapter 3” or something… I’ve had worse jobs.

Would you rather write without using punctuation and capitalization or without using words that contained the letter E? 

See, this is where I wish I’d finished that Japanese class in college—I could totally get by without using the letter “e” if I was writing in Kanji/Kana. Sadly I thought getting up at 9am was too difficult so I must settle on refraining from punctuation and capitalization.

Would you rather have schools teach your book or ban your book? 

Well, it depends on the reason it was banned. I’d rather be “Catcher in the Rye” than “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Actually being taught in school doesn’t say much. Granted, I’m not a kid anymore so maybe it’s all changed, but when I was in school I remember having to slog through the likes of “Silas Marner” and “My Antonia” (whitewashed of any interesting subtext) and several other forgettable “classics.” In fact the only two books I remember enjoying in school were “Great Expectations” (largely because the teacher who taught it was able to show why it was a great story) and “To Kill a Mockingbird” (because it’s amazing). Sadly there’s a certain safe banality that schools feel the need to adhere to when it comes to literature. But what can you do?

Would you rather be forced to listen to Ayn Rand bloviate for an hour or be hit on by an angry Dylan Thomas? 

How do you mean “hit on”? Thomas was a drunken Welshman—if he were physically striking me, he probably wouldn’t be able to physically feel it himself and could keep going indefinitely not to mention “fighting drunk” guys go for cheap shots. I think it would be a deeply unpleasant experience. If he were “hitting on me” by telling me how good I looked and if I wanted to “go gentle into that good night” with him, it would be super awkward. Although being able to say, “Go home, Dylan; you’re drunk,” would be kinda cool.

Either way, they’d probably still better than listening to Ayn Rand.

Would you rather be reduced to speaking only in haiku or be capable of only writing in haiku? 

I’m not sure if anyone would notice if I only spoke in haiku, aside from wondering why I was always counting to five and seven on my fingers as I spoke.

Would you rather be stuck on an island with only the 50 Shades Series or a series in a language you couldn’t read? 

The alternate language would at least offer a puzzle to decipher to help pass the time. Of course I’m sure I’d end up finding out that the universe, in its ultimate sense of irony, saw fit to leave me on a desert island with the “Fifty Shades” series in Pashto.

Would you rather critics rip your book apart publically or never talk about it at all? 

Never talk about it. That way there will be all sorts of extra copies lying around so after the Apocalypse, when society is trying to rebuild, all they’ll have is copies of my books. And then I shall be the author of the civilization the rises from the ashes. Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha! I shall be as a god! Bow to me all my future minions, for I am the Chosen One!

Would you rather have everything you think automatically appear on your Twitter feed or have a voice in your head narrate your every move? 

I already have a voice in my head critiquing my every move, so narration wouldn’t be that much of a change.

Would you rather give up your computer or pens and paper? 

Pens and paper. And anyone who’s seen my handwriting would be cool with it, too.

Would you rather write an entire novel standing on your tippy-toes or laying down flat on your back? 

Tippy-toes sounds like an enhanced interrogation method of some sort. Laying down could work.

Would you rather read naked in front of a packed room or have no one show up to your reading? 

I just had this dream. I was back in high school and I was faking my way through a presentation because I’d forgotten that it was due that day. Then a giant Doberman named Morty started making crude remarks and snickering. It wasn’t a fun dream.

Would you rather read a book that is written poorly but has an excellent story, or read one with weak content but is written well?  

To me, there are few things more frustrating than an intriguing idea that’s presented poorly. Good story ideas mangled by bad or sloppy writing is like seeing a beautiful car used in a demolition derby. It’s just… wrong.

Weak content with good writing will only leave me with a “meh” feeling, but that’s at least something I can stomach.

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Born and raised in North Dakota, Paul McCormack is the author of “All Things Right and Beautiful”, “All the Stupid Little Children”, “All the Lights That Have Shone”. His latest effort, “This Languid Earth”, a novel, is due out August 19^th.

It is rumored that he once divided by zero and went back in time. The resulting paradox altered the course of human events and produced an entity known in this dimension as “Justin Bieber”. He is very sorry and sincerely apologizes for any damage or distress this has caused.

Ian Woollen's Guide to Books & Booze

Time to grab a book and get tipsy!

Back by popular demand, Books & Booze, originally a mini-series of sorts here on TNBBC challenges participating authors to make up their own drinks, name and all, or create a drink list for their characters and/or readers using drinks that already exist. 

Today, Ian Woollen outlines the ways in which booze fits snugly into his novel Uncle Anton's Atomic Bomb:

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The book cover of UNCLE ANTON’S ATOMIC BOMB features a vintage martini shaker and glass. Booze lurks everywhere in this novel, as it did in American life during the Cold War years. The traditional cocktail hour was a time of marital and parental ceasefire in many American households.

Ward Wangert, a main character, fancies himself a mix master. He personally doesn’t consume overmuch, but he likes being around drinkers. A blueblood professional, he secretly wishes he could have become a bartender, an art he learned as a child, while helping to extend his fractious parents’ ceasefire cocktail hours.

I grew up in Kurt Vonnegut’s house in Indianapolis. Vonnegut came back to visit a couple times when I was a kid. My dad was an architect (like Vonnegut’s dad) and, on one of the visits, my father apologized to Kurt for eliminating the master bedroom upstairs in order to create a two-story living room. Vonnegut said, “Don’t worry. I heard so much fighting between my parents coming from that bedroom that I’m glad it’s gone.”

In the novel, Ward and two buddies create a summer drink called a ‘Panty Ripper’. Hmmm. I didn’t research that one enough. What did Ward put in a Panty Ripper? Vodka, most likely (there’s a Russian backstory). And 7-Up. This being 1960s Indianapolis, site of a popular, large 7-Up bottling plant. Add a maraschino cherry and a jigger of juice. What the hell. Make a pitcher.

Rum lubricates the Maine sections of the book. I could have worked in a scene with ‘Eddy’s Chocolate Milk’. Wild Eddy himself could be an entire novel. “Yah take three fingers o’ dahk rum and stir in three spoonfuls o’ powdah chocklet into a saucepan o’ whole milk. Shake it up frothee like and pour into a beer stein with ice cubes.”

Captain John Bowen, another good friend, was browsing recently in a Used and Rare Books shop in Camden, Maine. He pulled down a cookbook from a dusty shelf and discovered that it had belonged to famous historical novelist – Kenneth Roberts, who wrote ARUNDEL. Inside the front cover, under the former owner’s handwritten name, was a scrawled recipe for a drink that Captain Bowen now serves as a ‘Kenneth Roberts’:

    Rum, good rum

    Pineapple juice

    Dash o’ bitters

    Shake and decant all afternoon

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Ian Woollen’s new novel, UNCLE ANTON’S ATOMIC BOMB, is due out Sept. 1^st from Coffeetown Press. Recent short fiction has surfaced at Bartleby Snopes, The Smokelong Quarterly, and The Blue Lake Review. He lives in Bloomington, Indiana most of the year, somehow managing to escape to Maine for the month of July.

Book Giveaway: Love Water Memory

Since July 2010, TNBBC has been bringing authors and readers together every month to get behind the book! This unique experience wouldn't be possible without the generous donations of the authors and publishers involved.

It's the first of the month and you know what that means.

It's time to bring you August's Author/Reader Discussion book!

We will be reading and discussing Love Water Memory

with author Jennie Shortridge

The publisher has made a total of 30 copies available for us in a variety of formats!

15 print copies (for US residents only)

and

15 digital copies*

 * the digital copies can either be (1) PDF format or 

(2) a promo code to download the book from S&S's website (only good in US and not Kindle compatible).

Here is the goodreads description to whet your appetite:

If you could do it all over again, would you still choose him?

At age thirty-nine, Lucie Walker has no choice but to start her life over when she comes to, up to her knees in the chilly San Francisco Bay, with no idea how she got there or who she is. Her memory loss is caused by an emotional trauma she knows nothing about, and only when handsome, quiet Grady Goodall arrives at the hospital does she learn she has a home, a career, and a wedding just two months away. What went wrong? Grady seems to care for her, but Lucie is no more sure of him than she is of anything. As she collects the clues of her past self, she unlocks the mystery of what happened to her. The painful secrets she uncovers could hold the key to her future—if she trusts her heart enough to guide her.

This giveaway will run through August 8th. 

Winners will be announced here and via email on August 9th.

Here's how to enter:

1 - Leave a comment here or in the giveaway thread over at TNBBC on goodreads, stating why you'd like to receive a copy of the book, what format you prefer (choose one option from above), and where you reside. Remember, only US residents can win a paper copy!. 

ONLY COMMENT ONCE. MULTIPLE COMMENTS DO NOT GAIN YOU ADDITIONAL CHANCES TO WIN.

2 - State that you agree to participate in the group read book discussion that will run from September 15th through September 21st. Jenny Shortridge has agreed to participate in the discussion and will be available to answer any questions you may have for her. 

 *If you are chosen as a winner, by accepting the copy you are agreeing to read the book and join the group discussion at TNBBC on Goodreads (the thread for the discussion will be emailed to you before the discussion begins). 

 3 - Your comment must have a way to contact you (email is preferred). 

GOOD LUCK!!!!